I apologize for this, I know it's unnecessary, but I've gotten into a rut again and I need some more help.
No L'oreal jokes, please. 😉
The question I need to know is quite simply, Am I worth it?
I've told myself countless times how worthless I am, how much I hate the way things are in the world and how powerless I feel. My opinion has gotten me in trouble numerous times, and whenever I feel like I've offended someone I hide what I said, despite the damage being done.
I'm at the point where I just don't think I'm allowed to have an opinion on anything anymore. It's like one of the Buddhist practices I read about, that you 'detach yourself from your surroundings', that you 'let go'. It's part of trying to find a sense of balance, you have no opinion.
Sitting in church today, I had many thoughts and feelings about who I am, and I actually considered how much better the world would be without me. I just don't see the point of being a good person anymore, or rather, despite trying to do good things, I feel like they go unnoticed and my faults and defects are seen at a much greater scale. So why do I even bother trying to be a good person when people are going to continue to take advantage of me and then ridicule me for not being more selfish? Why is it wrong for me to be myself instead of a greedy, selfish, violent person like the world wants me to be?
I don't see myself as anyone of worth, I see myself as a pawn, an expendable human being.
So am I worth anything? Is there any value in trying to be a good person? Or am I just a waste of a life?
I think your worth it, i hope I count, your my friend here and what happens if I need you and your not there, there's only one you, right ? So do us all a favor and relax, I cause controversey with my opinions even when I don't mean to, S*it I can cause problems just coloring my hair, sorry no Loreal joke intended. It's hard when your voice is heard and someone pounces on you because it rubs them the wrong way and yes it does hurt, as I have recently felt this issue at first i was upset admittedly but then I realized everyone has there opinion and I decided not to take it personally and forgave and moved on. I sure do feel better and hope in the future I can do this more often. Don't let ppl steal your power !!! We all here only want the very best for you and we believe you are the very best just in some of your responses you show that. So believe in yourself and others will surely others will follow. : ))) and here's a hug.
MissBe –
I wrote this right before my Spring Break trip, so since then I've gotten the time to rest and relax. I'm trying my best to remember everything I've learned, but sometimes I can forget things and write words such as what you read above.
I understand that it is perfectly fine for me to be the person I am, though I sometimes cannot accept this and say these things about myself. It's difficult to see my own light when all I feel is darkness.
I'm better now, not looking forward to going to school again, but it's something I have to suck up and do. I suppose this is part of growing up and finding the confidence I desperately need.
Anyway, thanks for the comment. It means the world to me.