It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve felt actually complete okay throughout the day. Work was extra busy since it’s the last week of the month & my work was closed for 2 & a 1/2 days, so it was to be expected. Also my boss (AKA my mom) was pretty distracted throughout the day, but it wasn’t like today was terrible. Usual work stress & looking forward to this new “reaching goals” I set for myself made it be a okay, decent day.

Been feeling hopeful for therapy coming up this Thursday, today I start my mental health goals & other personal good daily habits I use to have. Daily blogging I’m going to consider my daily journaling. If I don’t have anything to journal I’ll probably look up a journaling prompt, maybe even write a little poetry or short story. Just something to exercise my brain. I’m feeling optimstic… which is strange because I haven’t felt this hopeful & optmistic for what feels like a ceuntry.

It’s only been 2-3 weeks of on & off again high anxiety & depression, & as of this past week & a 1/2 random panic attacks, but it just takes so much energy out of me… Ugh! Everyone tells me all the damn time I’m extra hard on myself & I shouldn’t be… But my mind automatically always blames myself & I feel like I can be so much better… Part of me still feels somewhat guilty & defeated about who I am & wishing I wouldn’t have this frickin anxiety & depression… The other part of me though is still hopeful & optimstic though. It’s so annoying having these up & down feelings & thoughts all the time :/