I left this site months ago thinking I was better. i talked to my mom, broke down crying, talked to my brother…I thought it was going to be better, y'know? I hear about people coming out of depression all the time and I always feel great for them, but now… Now I'm slipping again. i was up on a great mountain and I just fell.

My parents are getting divorced.

My mom and dad always argue and…I kind of got use to it. It was to be expected. If my mom was happy in the morning my dad wasn't, and if my dad was happy in the morning my mom wasn't. My mom would yell at my dad for no reason, and then my mom would turn around and tell me and my brother that my dad called her names while he wasn't in the room and….

Am I supposed to support my mom or my dad? Should I stay neutral? I always kid with my friends that I'm 'Switzerland' because I hate taking sides in fights, but….they're my parents. They're my caregivers and now I feel like if I say my dad is right I'll betray my mom and visa versa. My stomach is queasy, I'm nauseous and I just wish they would stop.

Sometimes I yell at them to stop, I tell them to stop yelling because it's a pointless fight, or I try to spread comic relief…but I can only play pretend for so long. They're my parents and I don't believe in soul mates or anything like that, but THEY chose to get married, THEY chose to saw those vows and make life long promises, and THEY decided to have me and my brother. It is not MY fault, or my brother's fault, so why can't they keep us out of it and let us just…I don't know.

My brother has friends that he can just go over to their house and hang out with them, but….I don't. I don't have anyone who lives down the street or has a car that can pick me up. I don't have anyone to…tell my problems to so…I guess you guys will get to see me more often now that my parents are getting split up and I'm going to be at my house listening to them argue twenty-four-seven until one of them is granted the house and the other gets kicked out.

I wish I could say it's nice to be back, but…you know.

-Still Not Fixed


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