This weekend was supposed to be full of celebration, instead, the guy I\'m seeing backs out of our special date on Friday and changes it to Sunday. Ok, so far, I can deal. Saturday night I was supposed to go out with a bunch of friends who also recently quit my last job to celebrate leaving that horrible place… they needed to reschedule for another weekend because I came in second to their boyfriends, some band and I\'m not even sure why the other one backed out. So instead, it was me and my roommate and his friends, which was fine, but it wasn\'t what I had in mind and I was the odd one out. So tonight everything was gonna be redeemed because I was going to see the guy that I\'ve been seeing on our rescheduled date. Apparently he forgot there was a wrestling game on he wanted to watch and I came second to that. It\'s over between me and him, it\'s one thing to change a date because you\'ve been working late or your tired or whatever, but to cancel one because there\'s a wrestling match on… do I really mean that little????

Every guy seems to be a jerk in one way or another (minus my gay best friend and a few other choice gay guys in my life). I\'ve been raped, mentally abused, told how worthless I was….. and any sweet guy I\'ve met has a girlfriend/wife/fiance…. I\'m giving up. I don\'t know why I keep coming back for more when I know it\'s going to end in fucking me up more.

To top it all off, my grandmother is stopping treatment for her cancer because complications have gotten out of control, so it\'s just a matter of time before she dies and I don\'t think I can take everything at once. I\'m fighting so hard just to keep from cutting myself and I don\'t know that I\'m going to succeed tonight.

I really need help…. and confirmation that I\'m worth hanging around.

 

1 Comment
  1. catrek27 11 years ago

    I fought successfully last night despite wanting to give in every step of the way. It helped that my roommate ended up staying in. He had no clue that that\'s how bad things were, but he knew enough to know I needed someone there so he cancelled his plans to just sit with me. There\'s a reason he\'s my best friend…. if only he were not gay, he\'d be the perfect mate… but he\'s definitely a soul mate! As for the jerk-face, I\'m glad to be moving on. I just wish I had someone to move on to. But that will come with time. I\'ve been single the majority of my life, the few relationships I\'ve had have all been short, even though they were all loved by me… even the ones that didn\'t really deserve it. I\'m just getting anxious about it because I\'m quickly getting to the end of my 20\'s and everything else in my life is starting to settle (I have a good job, nice place, good family network) and all my friends are getting married/ having families, I feel like I\'m running out of time.

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