The other day I got my results back from the cardiologist. These left me frustrated as there really was no answer just more questions which I asked, in a round a bout way the doc answered but even though it made sense I was not positive about the result. So as I have mentioned several times on here about my thoughts of ending my life I told the cardiologist this and how I feel because of a) my depression and b) my health status. She suggested if I am no better in 4 weeks time maybe my GP could refer me to a psych. I rang my GP and cannot get in for at least 6 weeks as they all are fully booked,( too bad if you get sick). Which still leaves me feeling this way alone. So I rang my old church and spoke to the Lieutenant there. They do not come to my town except for collecting on Red Shield day once per year. No help there. I am still looking at the phone thinking of lifeline but do not have the guts to actually ring them. I have done three times in the past and the last time has given me pause because the person I spoke to did not understand what I was going through at the time and was really short with me I felt like I was wasting their time. I thought that by going back to my old church I could maybe see a glimpse of how my life used to be before, I was going on Sunday no matter what. I set the alarm and turned it off in the morning then layed there making excuses until I was too late. I dont know if it was fear or what. I was feeling unwell but that is just another excuse. For me to get better I know things have to change and that I am the one to change them but I dont feel I have the strength or willpower or energy to actually get up and start the journey. Until this cloud that drags me down lifts a bit then I dont know how to begin.
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How to Be
lucy397, , Depression, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, Career, Depression, 0
How are you supposed to continue with life in general when the only person you have can't see past...
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Welp
chasingstatues, , Depression, Addiction, Therapist, 0
I only come here when I really need to be doing something else. But I don't want to do...
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I needed a hug but now I'm over it
uberbobolink, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Parenting, Suicide, 0
After writing my previous blog I began to feel a little sad so I sent Housemate A a text...
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In Decline
OrangeTree, , Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Depression, Therapy, 2
For a moment I believed that I was getting better. I convinced myself that I could grow as a...
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Complaints and Fears
sadviolinist, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Parenting, Relationships, 0
Well, so much for relaxing yesterday. Mom had to go the bank and the store I work at and...
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Friday,25,2011
sab, , Depression, Career, 0
All the things i enjoyed have slowly left. Ive looked everywhere for inspiration..I occasionally find some .Mostly in art...
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Tantrum
sadjac, , Depression, Anger, Medication, Sleep Disorders, 0
So I’m here again. No surprise. Nothing surprises me these days. I didn’t spend the night at home last...
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None
GetBetter, , Depression, Career, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
I've been missing home alot more lately. I know that things aren't going really good here right now, and...