The other day I got my results back from the cardiologist. These left me frustrated as there really was no answer just more questions which I asked, in a round a bout way the doc answered but even though it made sense I was not positive about the result. So as I have mentioned several times on here about my thoughts of ending my life I told the cardiologist this and how I feel because of a) my depression and b) my health status. She suggested if I am no better in 4 weeks time maybe my GP could refer me to a psych. I rang my GP and cannot get in for at least 6 weeks as they all are fully booked,( too bad if you get sick). Which still leaves me feeling this way alone. So I rang my old church and spoke to the Lieutenant there. They do not come to my town except for collecting on Red Shield day once per year. No help there. I am still looking at the phone thinking of lifeline but do not have the guts to actually ring them. I have done three times in the past and the last time has given me pause because the person I spoke to did not understand what I was going through at the time and was really short with me I felt like I was wasting their time. I thought that by going back to my old church I could maybe see a glimpse of how my life used to be before, I was going on Sunday no matter what. I set the alarm and turned it off in the morning then layed there making excuses until I was too late. I dont know if it was fear or what. I was feeling unwell but that is just another excuse. For me to get better I know things have to change and that I am the one to change them but I dont feel I have the strength or willpower or energy to actually get up and start the journey. Until this cloud that drags me down lifts a bit then I dont know how to begin.
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Unexpected
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Yeah I the kind of girl that people barely acknowledge exist, and the one that would rather be at...
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The Beast
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I judge myself every day, every night, every moment. I always find myself defecient & inferior. I do what...
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Why can't I be happy?
Aspiretodream, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Sleep Disorders, 2
I feel liek i'm too young to be depressed. I mean, I understand that lots of people are depressed...
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In a field of gorgeous flowers, a flower is pollinated. A seed is released, and carried away through the...
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Everything seems to boil down to Prozac…
BD, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, 0
Well, finally plucked up the courage and went to my dr the other day. (He's gorgeous, btw! So inappropriate...
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No more hope MAY TRIGGER
TessErin, , Depression, Child, Medication, Therapist, 0
I used to be terrified of change when I was school aged. I think my wish for change to...
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Wounded & Wanting
EyeMInsane, , Depression, Medication, Questions, 0
Ive been away for a while. Sorry to those of you I used to keep in touch with on...
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Growing up with God
pinkobsession, , Depression, Child, Domestic Abuse, Obesity, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sex Therapy, 1
I was born in Salt Lake City Utah. Yes the Mormon capital of the world! That is where the...