So I’m here again. No surprise. Nothing surprises me these days.

I didn’t spend the night at home last night. I stayed at my grandparents place babysitting my 3 almost 4 y.o cousin. It was ok. She’s a good kid. Once I said it was bed time she went and watched Dora The Explorer in bed until she fell asleep.

When she was asleep, that was when my mind went nuts like it always does. I went through my grandparents medicine cabnet to see what pills they had available. They didn’t have anything that I could see would do anything of purpose. At about 1am I went to bed. I had to sleep in the same bed as my cousin, which meant that I didn’t sleep well. I was too scared about rolling on her, or waking her up. As it were she was to keep me up alot anyways, with her kicking and hitting me in her sleep.

In the morning my grandparents, myself and my little cousin went to the local shopping centre. She chucked the most incredible tantrum when she couldn’t have something she wanted. She was screaming and crying, and wouldn’t walk. Needless to say we didn’t stay any longer at the shopping centre. I felt like chucking a tantrum also. Just to let the anger out. Of course I didn’t though.

The rest of the day I spent in bed. I was very tired. I had a little to eat..

I’m meant to be going to class again tomorrow. I’m terrified, and I’m willing to do almost anything to get out of it. The idea of OD’ing just to not have to deal with anything anymore becomes more appealing everyday. I don’t know what to do.



The night speaks to me,

In tongues of a thousand words.

Bring on endless sleep.


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