Im so fed up, i was starting to feel better over the weekend, and i was back at work today and i feel like shit again, im so sick of it i just dont no what do anymore, im so fed up of feeling like this and i cant see an end to it. What pisses me off more than anythink is that i cant show my really emotions to anyone cuz i no their not gonna care and theor just gonna think im weak which i probably am. When im feeling shit i just want people to leave me alone, im sick of having to put a face on things and fake smile at everyone and do a fake laff when they tell sum bullshit joke that isnt even funny, and its really hard to put a brave face on things when im at work all week. Today i was feeling like shit and all i wanted was to be at home on my own doing what i want and being abe to just cry my eyes out, but this lad kept making pointless small talk with me, and i just couldnt put a happy face on, instead i get really angry and snappy at people, and the smallest stupid little thing makes me so angry and it feels like uncontrolable anger i really feel like physically hurting someone, because i cant tell anybody how im really feeling. Anyway i ended up snapping at this lad so he turns round and goes god u on ure period, which im not although i feel like i am, and that was it i just snapped at him, and he turned round and said really spitefully just cuz uve got problems theres no need to take it out on me. It really upset, not that i showed that to ne1, and also i no its true aswell, i go the doctors and they just throw tablets at me, they change them and up the dosage im now 150mg, but they work for a week , then the smallest thing and im back down again, they dont work for me, its like im just a hopeless case and theres nothing that can be done for me anymore. I just dont no what to do i dont wanna be like this anymore, i just wanna be normal instead of having this stupid shit mental illness that takes over my life and makes me into someone im not. I just wish i had someone 2 talk to 2 understand and not just think im weak and pathetic, and nos what its like to have depression and how it really takes over and ruins ure life. Im 21 years old and instead of being out up town 2night with my mates, im sitting on my own in the dark crying my eyes out, feeling like i just want to end it all cuz i cant stand feeling like this anymore