It’s almost midnight and I can’t sleep, again. I’ve taken melatonin and anxiety meds . I just read someone’s blog about less sunshine means more anxiety so I’ll drag myself out to walk the dog on the beach tomorrow morning for while. Hopefully that will help. I need to get back to doing that every day, it was really helping my mood.
Tonight I had dinner with my 2 older sisters and one older brother. We always have great conversations about our past and upcoming travel plans, art shows etc. they are smart, funny, wonderful. But, I’m always depressed after seeing them, I don’t know why.
Tonight I have anxiety for no reason I can think of and I think that’s what’s keeping me from sleeping. I’m so tired though. I am very excited about my son practicing for his entrance exam for a college program though. At 25, he has found his career choice. He looked so good today, and happy and seemed to be feeling good in his own skin. It really made my day. He is taking control of this and is gently telling me that he’s got it, not to worry. Sweet kid, man, I mean. I am so very very lucky to have him and his sister . They really are better than I ever imagined, and I imagined pretty great.
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Maybe that sadness you feel after spending time with your sisters and brother is loneliness? I used to get very depressed after hanging-out with this one high-school friend of mine. It took some deep introspection, but I finally figured out it was because I didn’t have enough friends in my life. Or, maybe spending time with your sisters and brother makes you nostalgic for happier/simpler times? Nostalgia can pack some serious punches.
It’s great that you can see the good in your life, too, though. Sometimes that can be hard to find when you’re in the throes of anxiety (and insomnia, it sounds like). Keep doing that – searching for those silver linings in your life. And definitely get outside more. Sunshine always makes me feel better. In fact, I think you’d be hard pressed to find many people who *don’t* feel better after getting some fresh air and sunshine! 🙂
You’re so right, I spent the month of June and July going for long morning walks with my dog and felt great. I’m having such a hard time getting myself out again. I just take my dog around the block 2 or three times a day but that does nothing. motivation, I wish I could buy it or take it in pill form!