Is it really possible to feel worse? I know it is way, way too soon to feel any different on the meds. I've been down this road many times–you give it 4 to 6 weeks. My anxiety was out of the roof before I even left my house this morning. Took the Ativan and it didn't kill it completely like I thought it would. Maybe I should take 2 instead 1….it says I can, but I'm so reluctant to overdo it. So I was late for work, which is nothing new, but my boss was here, so I told him sorry and that I would stay in for lunch to make up for it. He said it's ok. I don't know if he meant it's ok, don't worry about it, but to be on the safe side, I will stay in anyway. The public doesn't need to deal with me at lunch time anyway!

 Mornings are hard with getting myself and daughter around for the day.  I try not to flip out in front of her, so like always, I internalize my anxiety so nobody can see it.  Hubby didn't know I was in such a poor state with anxiety and depression until I told him.  I just fake it so well around people, putting on the appearance of being normal.  Now I wonder if I've made myself worse by doing that.

I'm feeling anxious about the weekend. Holiday weekends give me pressure like I should be doing something. It doesn't sound like we are going to see any fireworks because I can't bring myself to take Little Girl alone (people I don't know and finding places to park/fear of not being able to get out easily bug me). She did ask if we could go to the canyon this weekend. Yes, I'm all over there like white on rice. She actually wants to walk the path! My girl, go for a walk?? Surely the sky is falling. Hopefully my mom can go with us and we can all have a nice walk in nature…like normal people do. :s


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