I have formed a new addiction that does not involve drugs. It the internet messengers. I am a dj on a site called fubar, it is a virtual bar where one can meet and form friendships, a lil like this place but yeah a bit more intense. On fubar I meet all kinds of women. and we usually exchange messenger info. thats where the addiction starts
I make it a goal to see how long it takes me to get them on cam and yeah it usually dont take long. Once on cam I try and get them nakid, and it usually works. Shorty after on cam and nude I have them masterbating for me… YES ladies i amd a real fucking DOG… However i dont have to twist thier arms to hard to do this.
Now heres how it has affected my life as I see it. I have a real hard time socializing with the real world. I am diagnosed as anti social and a sever case of depression and theres one more but I cant remember what it was. To put it in my terms I simply hate all ppl. I attend meetings on a reg basis and I talk to my sponser and I got involved with service work,how ever I am the first one to leave right after the meetings and dont call my net work when I am going thru shit. Let me retract that I call one person in my on a reg basis. He has really been there for me and has helped me see things when I dont want to. He has suggested that I use the messenger relationships as a thing of control. I dont have to put any of my real emotions into them and I can end them as quickly as I start them. So yeah there is obviously something alot deeper than what appears. that will hopefully come to lite as I work the program.
Ok now heres what I have done about this lil manifestaion of the disease. The first thing is I addmited it. The second thing is I am trying to stay a lil bit longer after the meetings,and I am asking ppl if they are going out to coffee. And i am going to share it with my home group. And hopefully they will assit me in getting over it. I also have made plans with another recovering addict to attend a dance and then a picnic with a nother one.
I hope whom ever reads this can see the experience strenght and hope in it as I do. I have to remeber to keep it silmpe and not to complicate the simple things