So, this guppy pc keeps screwing me up – I need to fix my laptop.  My friend Ben is in town until Tuesday – he and Charlie have always been tight, so, it works out well that Charlie took this weekend off work (he didn’t know about Ben at the time – I wasn’t even sure, then, that Ben was coming).  Charlie was completely surprised by Ben’s arrival, and very happy about it.  Fifty bucks well spent…  and, it makes me feel good to be able to do that for a friend (Ben’s certainly been there for us, when we needed him).

I feel good today.  I know it’s probably too soon to be feeling the drug, but I do feel noticeably better today than I have lately.  Maybe, it’s just feeling good about being on a mood stabilizer that I am not terrified of, and seeing Ben, and being able to do things with him while he’s here (because I am not completely flat ass broke).  Maybe, it’s a gerneral feeling that I have, right now, because I am starting to feel like I have a place to plant my feet again – some ground to walk on, or at least land on, when everything else falls through.  As long as some things are still in play, we can usually abide by whatever else is thrown at us – but we need something, underneathe it all, that we know we can turn to.  A place to go, a shoulder to cry on, or even a paint brush to pick up – some place to put it all, when you feel overwhelmed.  I still feel lost (don’t misunderstand, I am still as dizzy as they come, and foggy as well), but I feel better than I have, and I don’t feel isolated or alone today.  It’s a good feeling.

To those of you who’ve been sharing this quest with me – thank you.  You mean more to me than you will ever know.

I was jamming with Ben and Charlie, earlier.  Ben has a great voice – just beautiful.  I’m really glad he’s here.   This should be a good weekend.

"He feels lucky to have you here

In his kitchen

In your chair

Sometimes he forgets that you’re even there

It’s just a dream he keeps having

And it doesn’t seem to mean anything"

– Wilco "Summerteeth"


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