Last night I decided that I had to get back to my work concerning anxiety. I was thinking back over last few days to find what was making me anxious. getting back to work, a major change in sleeping patern and stress about school would be to blame. Bit this isn't it. I went through some material and I found something about myself that I have never really paid attention to. I am what you call a pleasure seeker. I get joy out of buying things, thinking about what fun I will have in the future, thinking about girls that I would like to date, thinking about having lots on money. I have done this my entire life. I see the here and now as some insignificant point leading to better, happier times. Now if I do this with my possitive thoughts why wouldn't I do it with my negative thoughts. Anxiety is negative anticipation of a future event. Evertime I get anxious its about something that is going to happen tomorrow, next week, a year from now. WHY? What is wrong with here and now? I woke up this morning and shoveled my own and my neighbors walk ways, I cleaned my house from top to bottom and I just finished meditating. This moment here and now feels comfortable. Why do I need to think about tomorrow? Why do I need to look at the weather to see when the snow will be gone? Can I change the weather? Can I really predict what is going to happen at any moment tomorrow? Of course not. So why focus on it. Even in a possitive manner we create the anxietys, constantly looking toward the future for happiness will leave you with nothing but an empty present. Further more the persuit of pleasure is a fantasy of something that will always fade in time. You can be happy in mexico on a beach for awhile but after a week, a month, a year, it will lose its luster. True happyness is something that never fades. Unconditional love for others and yourself is the key. Focus on what you have in your life right now. Stop finding the faults in your partner, friends and family. They are beautiful complex creatures with thoughts, hopes, dreams and goals of their own. Stop looking for what you want in them and see what they are. Sure their not perfect and they may piss you off on a regular basis but they are your family and friends. Forgive their wrongs, don't focus on what their bad traits. Look for their good side, even if you have to dig deep. Everyone has something good inside them. Another form of happiness is acheivement. Acheivement is something you can always have with you. You can look back and see what it took for you to achieve and smile, you can see at this moment that achievment and smile, you can look to the future and no matter what you see your achievements are still there with you. There are many other true forms of happiness and I will write more about them over the next few blogs. Back to what I was saying about looking toward the future. Its not always a bad thing. Having goals and dreams are great motivators. But the key is to look to the future with realistic expectations. For example, you want to complete a degree. Looking toward the future you see hard work but the end result will be a great acheivement, so you smile and become motivated. Thats good anticipation, its realistic. On the other side you look forward to summer because winter and snow make you depressed and anxious, when it all melts you will be anxiety free. Thats negative. You have no idea what you will feel like 6 months from now. For all you know you may be reading this blog and something in you clicks and you feel better right now. Maybe thinking about the here and now may make you want to go tobogganing, skying or skating and winter can ultimately become your favorite season. How do you know? Humans can't tell the future. I am always thinking about summer. I see myself polishing my Harley then heading down to the lake. Is this all there is for my summer? Am I going to polish and ride to the lake everyday? If it rains for the entire summer what will I do? Further more, when ever I stop thinking about this I become anxious. Its not hard to understand. When I am thinking about riding in the summer I am ANXIOUS to do so. It may be possitive but its still anxiety. You take the possitive feeling away and replace it with a negative one and what do you have? As I said before its not horrible or damaging to think about the future, But its extreamly damaging to every aspect of your life if you live there. So enjoy today! Find something you love right now, at this second. Call a friend, go skating, listent to your favorite song. LIVE HERE RIGHT NOW! Forget the past mistakes, love the great memories, look to the future not for gratification but with wonder and possitivity. This is real people, Its not the holy cure for everything but its certainly a step in a more possitive direction and happier future. :")