I feel like I have to keep myself motivated by having something to look forward to. Something pretty instant/immediate in the future. Usually it has to be within the next 2-3 weeks otherwise it seems so far away, so distant it doesn't really seem like something to keep my eye on. No light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I'm saving (and I used that word very loosely as I don't have money to really 'save' lately) for England next Summer. But that seems so far away, such like a pipe dream because I've wanted to go for so long. It won't seem real until a few weeks before it actually is upon us. I feel a bit overwhelmed with only getting about 6-7 pay checks btwn now and christmas. I've got so much money to have to try to save btwn then and now and I really, in all honesty, don't know how I'm going to do it. I had this game plan of staying on the cheap this christmas but then my parents wanted to have a "BIG CHRISTMAS" because its the last one they'll be having here in Arizona (before they move to Oregon). I need something to look forward to. Something to keep me driving … I am looking forward to Next thursday when Bryan gets back home but that isn't something that we're going to go do or anything. Halloween seems to far away to be getting my hopes and excitement up for just yet. I just feel like theres nothing that I'm working towards, besides making more $$. But thats a non stop never ending and usually fruitless endevour. I have even thought about how to make extra cash, selling things (but what!?) maybe getting a part time job but when would i do that. As it is I'm running myself ragged w/ work and school. I don't know how ppl go to school full time and work full time. Seems a bit impossible and something that would drive me to self mutilation.

What's the point of this blog: ranting.

thx for listening…


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