I thought I had a good holiday season. I went to visit my family and saw my sister and her fiancee and my brother was well enough to come home for christmas for the first time in 3 years. I honestly thought I was having a relatively decent christmas and was dealing rather well.

Yes, I didn't sleep well and yes I had horrible dreams the entire time I was home, but I was doing pretty damn well if I do say so myself. I packed up and drove back to my place today.

As I was driving, I barely made it to the highway before I started just crying and crying. It was like as if while I was home I put up a mental block against everything I was feeling and didn't even know I was upset about. I had known in advance that the holidays would be hard for me, much as they always are. But I figured this would be particularly hard due to.. well.. personal reasons. I'd love to talk about it, but I've recently had people on here bitch at me about my issues so let's just leave it as I'm having a hard time over something stupid and I really just need to get over it.

I'm still not really sure what happened, but I feel like my dreams the entire trip were super vivid and heartbreaking in various ways. From nightmares so bad I couldn't get back to sleep to dreams so good that when I woke up and relalized it wasn't true I wanted to cry.

I feel like I need some sort of emotional and physical purging but I have NO idea how to go about it. I would 100% welcome suggestions. I've made good progress in various issues over the holidays but… as we all know progress can hurt and mine DEFINATELY did.

Bah I'm going in circles and don't know what to say or think anymore. Lots of love guys, thanks for reading and if you comment, thanks in advance for the time you took to think about me.