Forgot to write the past couple days. I got two bomb Christmas presents and have been busy reading on my Kindle and playing Words With Friends on my iPod. My other one was stolen..those bastards…

Anyways. I hope everyone's Christmas went well! Mine, however, was a disaster. I mean, the family all around me and the laughing was awesome, but depression and anxiety had it's grasp on me pretty tightly the last few days.

Woke up Christmas morning to coffee and stockings. Fine there. Presents to everyone. Fine once again. So, I trot off to go get ready to go to my aunts with the full family and it hits me. My heart is pounding in my throat and my thoughts are so fast, I can't even decipher a single one. Thinking my medicine will help, I pop two Ativan and continue to get ready. No relief. Hoping it will go away, I jump in the car and go to my aunts for the day.

Finally, after 2 hours, my anxiety subsides only to give way to overhelming grief. I pop in my ear phones and listen to some Paramore, hoping to get pumped up and happy. Not even close.

The family is sitting in a large circle in the living room talking. I sit on the outside, hiding from myself. My cousin comes over to see what I'm doing and it happened.

Let me just say I don't mind crying, but bawling my eyes out is a better way to put it. It's horrible because there is NO dignified way to bawl your eyes out. Outside the family circle, I completely lose all control I thought I had and plummit into a crying fit, for atleast 15 minutes.

I am pleased say, it did subside and I felt fine. I guess sometimes you just gotta cry!!


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