Yep…"Disappear."

That’s what I wanted to do yesterday, and wish my OCD would do.

The Bad:

I got a new job, started it, and was doing fine until my new boss asked for my I-9 documents.  I panicked. I started asking questions about who and why they needed to retain a copy, and went as far as to make him look up acceptable documents to decide which kind of ID to use. We lookied it up. I gave him info, and then he asked for my address. I swear I coudn’t breathe! I always use a fake address, btu he said inurance etc would be mailing things to me.   I gave him my real address and my head started spinning. I literally felt like I coudn’t breathe….like my air was leaving, stomach turning. Now someone had all access to me. Anxiety set in, and I made him uncomfortable. I knew I’d lost the job!

But suddenly…he says "I understand your concern about your safety etc."  and actually only made me fill inpartial information for my background check…..he didn’t judge me or look at me like I was the idiot I felt like..

What I realized:

MY OCD is two part. 1 – Others, 2 – Myself. I have a hard time forgiving myself and I hate putting myself in vulnerable, sensetive situations because of fear of others ill-doings. I think it was a good experience for me though overall because I have to stop being that way. It’s time to grow up and stop thinking everyone wants to harm me.

The Good:

After my panick attack, I stopped crying and relaxed, and LOVED the job! My boss is very compassionate and said I can change my information anytime I want. He could sense my discomfort.

The point:

In the words of the late great MJ; "You are not alone! I am here with u!"

Just want you all to know you are not hopeless. We can havr a normal life! Take it one day at a time, and  turns bad days around! 

Give yourself credit for trying!

~Gods Girl~