Well, I haven't blogged in a while because I have been very busy with school and stuff so I figured I would come on and write a quick one.I recently started college and it was a big step for me to go away to college. I never honestly thought I would be able to because I am always very anxious about leaving the house. Well, I did it and I was proud of myself but I'm not very happy away. I'm very depressed. Not for any rhyme or reason, just kind of floating along. I have no idea what I want to do when I'm older and I just keep thinking. I think about what my ocd has done to relationships, I think about how my dad's death affected my life, but most importantly I think what if. What if my dad never flew that day. Who would I be? What kind of person would I be. I realize of coarse that everything made me stronger, even my ocd. It made me tough. When I finally fought off the urges and returned to a life where I could function normally with only a few hints of it, I realized what it made me. It made me alert, focused on certain things, and it gave me a better understanding of people. I've helped my friends through a lot of stuff and I don't think I would have been able to if I never had ocd. So knowing all that my life is now would I have wished it any differently? In the situation I'm in I think I made the best of it. But I would give anything in the world to have my dad back for even just 30 seconds. One last hug, one last laugh, one last goodbye. I learned to cherish the goodbye and I learned not to take things for granted. Sometimes I even catch myself looking outside to see if my dad's car will pull back up. Every year on the anniversary of his death I take a good hard look outside. Hoping that maybe one day he will come back home.Cherish your loved ones, make the best out of the cards your dealt. OCD doesn't rule me anymore, I rule it. I keep telling myself that because there is no way I will ever let it control me like it did.