I have had issues my whole life but did not know there was a name for it.  I am 55 and have hidden my anxieties and compulsions all my life.  I am a Christian and I guess I felt it was a secret sin that I had to cope with and overcome.  Because of this, I look and act fairly normal.  I think as kids with OCD, you want so badly to fit in or not stand out, that you cover, hide, mask – whatever.  I have had bad things happen to me or my loved ones that has exacerbated what was probably a mild case.  As a result of my husband's serious year long illness, I became depressed and sought help.  How can it be if there is not a voice to it, it does not exist.  The problem is, this tendency is fluffed off as eccentric, silly, overboard – everything but the crippling disorder it can be.  My earliest recollections was seeing a dog defecate and being ballistic for months because I had seen something dirty.  I lost so much weight, my parents feared for my health.  I had a period of time when anything I said, i counted on my fingers and repeated it until it came out even, ending on my pinky.  My brother had a serious accident while with me and that set me on a spiral of guilt.  Fears ballooned and I became neurotic about safety.   I have had cancer all my life – not really, but I might as well had because that is all I could think of.   Every doctor's visit was a death sentence, until proven otherwise.  After seeking psychiatric help and being on meds for 5 years, I now worry about not being worried.  My most recent issues are intense cheekbiting and cuticle biting.  I am a clinic manager and travel to multiple sites.  Very stressful.  I am also not dealing with my belongings.  My garage and back bedroom are totally out of control.  I can't throw things away.  It is kind of scary writing all this down on paper.   I am writing here to find people with these issues and how they have dealt with them or overcame them.  Thanks for listening but most of all for understanding?


1 Comment
  1. privatechick 12 years ago

    i’m kinda in the same boat as you. my spare bedroom..well..it’s a horror! and for christian part..i never had to hide my ocd…cleaniless is next to Godlyness. my mother’s house growing up was simply spotless…so was my grandmom’s on my mother’s side. on my father’s side she had hoarding issues. so yeah, lucky me got both. /lol


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