i have never blogged before but felt a need to find people who can relate to my problem. i have always assumed i had OCD but was jus recently diagnosed in the past year and began meds but took myself off of them…then jus recently i realized i do need them and i want help again because i cant live my life this way anymore, it completely consumes me. my ‘friends’ and family dont understand what this is like except for my cousin who is bipolar who can relate to me. but i feel like everytime i talk to a family member or my boyfriend about it, its like they are jus telling me "nothing is wrong with you" without saying those exact words and i just cant deal with talking to them about it anymore im sick of it and extremely frustrated with it. today i finally got back into treatment and am jus starting fluvoxamine maleate (luvox) 100mg per day and after 3 week he is uppijng my dosage up to 200mg per day. i came here bc i want to know how others cope with the fact that they have to be on meds the rest of their lives. im just so pissed off and upset that i will have to spend money and take meds the rest of my life just to function like "normal" people do its not fair i think its absolute bullshit that problems like this happen to completely innocent unwilling people, it isnt our fault but yet we have to pay for it and im just having a hard time coping with it. i am happy i am making an effort to change and hopefully improve my current state i just think its completely unfair for us to have this problem when its like "what did i do to deserve this" i know its not my fault but wtf i just feel like its not fair, i want to live my life w/o having all of these problems and undertsand i have to take meds in order to function how i hope to, but i just dont think its fair im so agrivated right now there is so much goin through my head right now im finding it even hard to type this i cant keep focused on one thng im jus goin nuts right now i hope that this site can help me get the support i need especially since u can relate to me in this, i guess i just need someone to talk to here and there…

2 Comments
  1. JenCat 13 years ago

    Hi ! Your not alone ! Your going to be ok. I know it’s really hard at first, especially when your OCD isn’t that obvious to the naked eye. My OCD is mostly in my head, obsessive thoughts, thinking things to dealth. We have all had moments like the one your going through now.  It’s hard, it sucks and it’s not fair. I have been taking medication for my OCD for over 2 yrs now. I don’t look at it as a bad thing. I see it as the medication helps me to help myself. Nothing is a miracle and even on it, I still have my bad days. I have found the tribe to be very helpful. I always say " my home is on the tribe ". It makes it not so lonely being on here w/ people who think more like me. Hang in there and I’m here if you need me.

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  2. buffster 13 years ago

    \..first of all..welcome to the wild wacky wonderful blogosphere..here’s hoping its everything you were expecting & sooo much more..ok with that outta the way..a good many folk tend 2 believe their ocd is some kind of penance ‘or punishment & approach it with a "why did this happen to me??" mentality..however the human brain is a witch’s brew of countless chemical interactions & its a miracle if it all comes out right for anyone..I know the frustration of having to rely on a "drug" to fill in the holes & make us so-called "normal" again..but in the grand scheme of things I think we came out pretty fortunate compared with other more life-limiting disabilities like paralysis & developmental problems etc..yeah its unfair & tuff..but adversity bring out perhaps the finest in alot of people..remember you will only get outta the site what you put into it..so "give" as much as you "get"..good luck & be strong..\

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