My troubles weighed me down before you, but when you left, my knees caved in. The earth stopped right there, that night I found out you left me. My heart shattered. The ground shook, the air caved in around me. I learned many things from you dad. I learned that nothing lasts forever. I learned which pedal was the brake, which was the gas. I learned how to never answer the telephone until it rings twice….I learned to trust no one, sometimes not even yourself. I learned about the end of life. I learned what carbon monoxide is. I learned that I wasn't enough to simply keep you here with me. We weren't a good enough reason. I'm afraid; of life, of love, of relationships, of committments. It's okay though. I know how you feel. I let down my family too. They are not proud of who I am, or who they think I am. I tried following you daddy. I tried following you into the unknown….fuckin hypocrite. You made me stay, you forced me to be the better, stronger one of us. How could you? I wanted to die. I was ready. Just like you dad. JUST LIKE YOU. I'd be a completely different person if you decided to stay. I'd be happy god dammit. I probably would have treated my social problems nobody seems to understand. I wouldn't have to fuckin depend on chemicals to make me feel normal. I'd have straight A's. I'd be fucking living. LIVING MY LIFE YOU FUCKED UP….I'm sorry dad…I understand. Leslie hates me too. I tried leaving..her behind…I couldn't help it…I was prepared to die…She's the one who deserves everything and anyything. Not you, not me, Leslie. My sweet sister I have missed. She never did anything to you. Not one god dam thing. She faced you when I was too afraid. She never complained about one god dam thing you did. She forgave you. I try to help her. She won't say one fuckin word about you to me. not a sound. You were my only freind. You stayed up all night just to text me. You understand my heart, my feelings, my words. When nobody else heard my cries, you did. You knew. States apart from each other. You saved me in the middle of the night from my hardships withh Craig. I trusted you daddy. I was your girl. You scarred my heart forever. I will always be afraid of people. I will always be afraid of not being good enough. I will always hate my reflection. I will forever expect to be hurt, because like you told me…nothing lasts forever Alexis. You broke me. I don't think I will ever forgive you….you know I hear your laugh in my head. I remember your laugh very distinctly. I love your laugh. I hear you talking to me. A broken record in my head that never dies, "hey sweety." Why would you rather live inside my head? Your voice and laugh haunt me. I try pushing you out but you keep coming back. My eyes were only a little damaged before you left, now I'm addicting to the thing I hate the most in the world: the mirror. Thats a different storm though…

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