After recieveing those messages I lost all movitation. I still wanted to kill myself, but I just didn’t care about it anymore.
“I’m on my way home matt. I can come and meet you anywhere”
I was sitting besides a fairly well used walking track with ran alongside a busy road. It was amazing to see peoples reactions to me as they walked past. One lady saw me and reversed direction completely. Others just stared and kept walking. I’m not sure what I would do if I came across somebody who was curled up in a ball crying with a noose lying beside them. After a while I just lay there while listening to my phone ring again and again. I’d recently changed the ringtone and I really liked the song. That’s probably a poor excuse for not answering your phone.
“Please tell us where you are… We are so worried”
I got bored of listening to my phone and I needed to come up with another plan. A car stopped on the side of the road and a woman jumped out.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah I’m fine”
Once she had gotten back into the car and drove off I decided I had to make a move. I walked down to the bottle shop and bought some whisky. As I walked there I decided to buy a bottle of Johnny Walker Red Label, but when I finally reached the bottle shop I couldn’t do it. Just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean you should punish yourself by drinking cheap scotch. I bought a bottle of Jameson instead.
As I made my way to the park with my brown paper friend it began to get a little hot. It was about mid day and it was very sunny. I found a fantastic tree in the park and sat down in the cool shade with my scotch (which had opened itself along the journey).
As I became more and more drunk I began to yell things at the people walking past. It was all gibberish and most of them didn’t even look. Once the people had walked by me I yelled more intelligible things to myself. I had picked an amazing tree to lean against, the big roots seemed to curve against my spine in just the right spot. Initally I had some concerns about peeing in front of everybody at the park, but a quarter of a bottle of scotch alleviated my hesitation. I walked to the other side of the tree and relieved myself.
Once refreshed I checked my phone. There were about 40 missed calls and my battery was going flat due to ringing so much. I decided that I needed to talk to somebody, so I sent Housemate B a text message.
“I’m alive. Sorry for fissuriog your day. Also himse tick vist word.”
I had drunk half a bottle of scotch and was having difficulty negotiating predicitve text. After that the phone rang a few times and I answered it. One call was from one of Housemate B’s friends. I wouldn’t tell her where I was, only that I was ok. Then I recieved a reply from Housemate B,
“I’m so glad. Do you want company? i couldn’t understand some of that message but i’m so glad you’re still alive. Please let me know what i can do for you coz i really want to help”
“Preg text sucks. I hindst believe this is the happiest day of ly life. I bought esta. Forme’t watter. Lawso is sodat”
“Yes predictive ext sucks coz i can’t quite understand what yr saying. Do you want me to come and get you or hang out with you.”
“It’s moot. Bonytil”
“It’s moot. Bonytil… Not sure what that was coz that’s the message i got From you.”
Then I recieved a call from an unknown number. It was the police and I didn’t really feel like talking. Sister 1 decided to relay the following useful information
“Matt i know your phone is working. can you please tell Me where you are. i had to call the police and they are looking for you. Sister 1”
Thanks for the heads up sis. Thankfully Housemate B wanted to continute our conversation and that cheered me up.
“I don’t mean to intrude. I just want u to know i’m here to help. I can get u in to the Nuthouse PC if u want or get u in to see my psychiatrist. I can come get u. I’d love to talk if u want. Will u message or call when yr ready to come home and i can come get you. I’ve been exactly where u r and i understand.”
“I’v. Listdo. Druma. Brok flying out. Not worth it. Tell eyews to leave of alof.”
At this stage I still thought I could fly out to work the next day and everything would be fine. I’d only had half a bottle of scotch and I would be fine the next morning.
“Matt sorry we don’t mean to intrude Or harrass but yr messages don’t make sense and we want to make sure yr safe and ok.”
It was then that I did the thing that I am most ashamed of. Earlier that day I had taken a picture of the noose I intended to hang myself with on my phone, and it was then that I decided to send that picture to Housemate B. If you ever read this I’m sorry. I’m so glad your phone can’t recieve picture messages – she can check them on the internet however.
I didn’t want to lie against the tree anymore so I started walking into the bushland. I didn’t know what to do with my noose so I wrapped it around my neck a few times so it wouldn’t be in the way. There was a walking track which lead up to the top of a large hill nearby which I used to run up and down as a kid. I got about half a kilometre up this track until I half sat half fell by the side of the track.
“Hey matt i Am at D park on the south side of the lake. I will stay here all afternoon so u can come and talk if u want. If u walk round the lake you’ll find me i’m near a little brick building. Love B”
As I lay in the bush a passerby asked me if I was ok. I had a noose wrapped around my neck and a brown paper bag in my hand. I told him I was fine.
“My battery is running out but i’m here at the lake if u want. We can work something out together. I can get u in to the Nuthouse PC or somewhere so u can get away from everthingfor a while. I went to Nuthouse PC”
I then decided that I had to see Housemate B. I got up and started running down the track. In the process the brown paper bag tore and my whisky fell out and rolled down the hill. I was lucky not to roll down the hill myself.