birthday gift

i don’t know how to talk anymore

all i can do is stare at the floor

cause i’m so scared that if i make a sound

somebody’s gonna shoot me down

i don’t know how to breathe anymore

my daddy still treats me like i’m four

and i’m so scared to say what i think

cause somebody will shove me down, make me sink

i know you try your best to be here for me

and you’re always telling me that you’re sorry

but we’re so far apart, my texts don’t always send

and most days, it’s just hard to pretend.

and that’s why i’m looking for someone else

because i know that i’m truly unwell

and if i fall, and if i break, 

i’m not sure how much more my heart can take

i need someone who can hold me close

and not be gone when i need them the most

i need someone who can be here with me

who can pick me up, carry me if i’m panicking

my mom just left

cause my dad treats her like crap

i know it’s all in his head

don’t wanna become someone like that

so i’ve been asking god for a birthday gift

someone here who can cross the rift

and bring me safe and bring me sound

to a place far away where i won’t be shut down