I was happy when I was in my upstate home. By this time, I would of had the dogs out, eaten a luna bar and already started gathering recylables , garbage or some other clear out job. Or plant some of my plants.

Instead I am here the all the shades drawn, he doesnt want anyone looking in, I am now sitting quite in the living room cause he is sleeping. There is nothing to do. Easter is sunday so I am stuck here even though he will be working. The 27th I have a doctors apointment so I will be stuch here even longer. He refuses to see i am happy and healther upstate.

I wanted to take a shower last night. I cant cause the shower is broke. I want to go outside, but ts dirty and dog poo every where and loud youths shouting nigger this and nigger that. I grew up as that word was an insult to the africa race and that its detoganary ( i wish i could spell better meds are making it worse) the kids are so loud insulting each other.

Where I liive, I am the minority. I get harrased (not all the time). I feel bad for the forfathers of the slaves, newly arived imigrents and what ever, THey had it 1000 tiimes worse then me. Bless then for becoming a strong race, but the kids lack respect to everyone and every thing. (thankfully some are still good kids).

Weekends I have at least one arrest on the wall of my building, every few moths someone get hit on my corner, last year a little girl was raped across the street. New Years eve some ex husband hacked to death a mom while he child sleeped in bed a few building up. THe cops where called to my building because someone was shooting from the roof top. When i worked on disaster. people would shoot at the van i was driving leaving holes in the windows. I have an armery down the street and one year one of the solders was throwing things at my car while i was driving. i stopped and this big guy is saying what what are you going to doin spanishand english

uhhhhh

I want to go home. Before living here i was in the hussle and bussle of manhattan where we are all mixed, before that nj with a mix. Noone stood out. Everyone belonged in harmony. So my big 40 bithday i am sitting in my house in the dark. hungry. nothing is in the fridge.

my bf gave me 200 dollors to spend on my self, but this is how it works.

i got the same for x-mas weeks later . the money is used as take out food laundry , money he takes to work. He always tells me he'll get me back. My anivery i was told he'll take me out. instead we watched jerry springer and ate massed produced pizza. there s never anything specail. Holidays are runed by drama I wish i could sleep thought the day