I like keeping a nighttime routine. I don’t always feel well enough to follow through with it, but on nights when I feel good, like tonight, I do. My nighttime routine consists of brushing my hair, washing my face (especially today as I wore makeup), putting on anti-wrinkle face cream, putting on firming neck and decollete cream (both creams smell so good!), brushing my teeth with my miswak (it’s a tooth stick made from the bark of the peelu tree, making lavender-valerian tea, and doing a bit of writing, either here or in my journal. It’s nice to have a peaceful evening after the stress of the day. Nothing actually happened to me today, it was all internal stress, brought on by my schizophrenia. I battled psychosis all day long. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically.

My hope is that tomorrow will be better, especially after such a restful evening such as this. But I’m full of apprehension, because the pattern has been that each day is worse than the last. I don’t know how it could be possible that tomorrow could be worse than today, because today was horrid. I can only hope and pray that God will provide me with a little relief tomorrow. I seem to do ok when my husband is here, it’s only when he’s gone that I really get sent into a tizzy. It’s the most stressful eight hours imaginable. I’m going to attempt to go to Mass again. I went last Friday, but it was bizarre. I felt totally detached from everyone and everything at the Mass. But I’m grateful that I live within walking distance of the church.

I don’t want this night to end, it’s so peaceful and I feel so good, and I know tomorrow is going to be challenging. I have just made my lavender-valerian tea. Valerian smells like feet, but it really does a good job of helping me fall asleep. And of course the lavender is relaxing. I don’t want to go to sleep quite just yet, but soon. I want to take advantage of how good I feel right now. Moments like this are rare these days. I wish you a good night, dear reader. Wish me luck with tomorrow.


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