November 11, 2017, 11:09 pm

First off, I know no one is reading this. But I’m hoping this will be a way for me to track my hopeful progress. And for those “no one’s” who are reading this, hi. You’re not a no one. I am.

My name is Sarah and to start off, I have depression and binge eating disorder. I may or may not be bipolar, and I am in no way eager to find out.

You might hate me for saying this, but I hate therapy. I feel like they don’t truly understand unless they went through/go through the same thing as me. That’s why I reach out to people who are doing just that.

I’ve been to therapists, and they fixed nothing. I eventually got off them and I am terrified that I’ll be sent back to one if I let my mom know about any of these problems.

Next things next.

I make ironic and sarcastic jokes about my depression to kind of cover up the fact that I don’t have it. I have in fact cut, but I don’t do it anymore. I do however repeatedly binge and I hate myself for it so much.

I’m a teen and I’m just figuring myself out, and it’s scary not knowing yourself and not being able to piece yourself back to the person you where before, because I don’t know who the person I was before.

I have never gone a day without make up, and I hate myself so much for it. I am also Asian and pansexual, and sometimes that makes me feel so alone.

It’s scary for me because I don’t know when something is serious. People have told me I’m being over dramatic and I guess I’ve convinced myself that the problems with myself/others are nothing and I’m just overexagerating something. I don’t know whether or not I really, truly feel a certain way, or whether or not I am forcing myself to feel a way just for attention or something. It really scares me how little I know myself, and how much I hate myself.

I guess this blog was just to introduce myself, start of my journey into hopefully something better, and to get my feelings out.

Peace out

~queenofnowhere