Day 25 Sober…
Hi I am a 34 old male and now have been sober for 25 days. I can't really remember the last time I have been sober for 25 days straight I am guessing maybe when I was 18 years old or so, sigh almost half my life:( I am writing this as my personal experience with what my decision and progress has been like as a reference to someone who may be thinking of quitting alcoholand just need some insight.
My drinking in general I would say to be moderate with excessivebinge drinking specifically over the past 4 years and then a bit lighter in the years before that. My worst was about 2.5 years ago, I was laid off from my job andstarted to hit the booze prettyhard.Drinking to the point of almost blacking out 5 out of 7 days a week minimum, staying awake drinking all night andsleeping in during the day. It was a very dark time for me I remember waking up most days and saying 'shit' out loud as I realized I was very hung over yetagain. I am pretty physically fit most often but at this time I gained 20 pounds or so, my face got fat as you hear people saying when they drink too muchI didn't believe thisuntil it happened to me. Depression and anxiety was at its peak I didn't socialize much at all and stopped doing any exercise. Thisexperience in these 6 months was the worst but I had many shorter episodes like this every now and then over the years. This past Christmas the drinking really gotexcessive again and up to about 1.5 months ago, binging on the weekends was getting ridiculous drinking for about 3 nights straight downing a 26er + andmaybe 6-10tall boys (beer) in total. I was at that point where the addiction has taken over me physically/mentallyand your not really drinking to get buzzed ( well a happybuzz) just doing it to 'pay' your addiction. Getting that little buzz for 2-4 hours and then paying for it all the next day and really all the time inmost respects. I would always tell myself "Its fine you can binge like this on the weekends once you get that good sleep on Sunday night your good". Not so! It was really starting to take its toll on my health physically and mentally.
So 26 days ago my Girl friend and I were at the drug storegetting a few things and she said "lets take our blood pressure"so we did. Now I have had high blood pressurein the past when I had my last check up 3 years ago (I know too long ago). Itwas high and the doctor did all the normal test to find why its so high – blood tests, heart check andultra sound, and of course I liedto her when she asked me how much I drink per week I think I said 4 beers per week or something ridiculous like that. So they found no real 'reason' why it was high, I knew it was thedrinking but as an addict I am going to protect my addition. So back at the drug store my test was 150/95. High for me (its been 170/110 at the doctorsoffice once – I have been on blood pressure medication here and there). I am not sure why but this was the little push or 'inception' I needed to kick off my sobriety. Because 2 weeks before this I did cut backon he drinking, not having any drinks during the week just my usualbinges on the weekends. I have tried to stop/cut back in the past with very little success a week sober here and there.This time was different the next day I woke up and said to myself 'I am quitting drinking', 'I don't want to feel like this anymore'. Something was VERY different this time itwasn't me fighting withmyself and saying 'Don't have a drink!'.. Don't have that drink! This time it was I am sick of feeling and looking like shit all the time, It was more of 'Idon't want a drink!' attitude. So I bought some candy and chocolate just to curb the sugar addiction from the drinking, I usually drank sprits with pop soyah alot of calories getting cut out.
The first week I had mild cravings but not even close enough to actually have a drink. The thought of having a drinkreally disgusted me in every way.So the next weekend and the weekend after that I was around situations where people were drinking and I didn't even have much of a craving at all. And nowas I am righting this I have no cravings at all. I even have some liquor and beer in the liquor cabinet and the last thing I would want to do is have a drink, pastattempts to quit I could never do that, I would just drink what ever is there.
So how do I feel? After about 5 days I felt such a calmness over my body – almost like when I was drinking my body was 'buzzing' or something like thathard to explain. But now such a calmness and I am not achy and no random pains. I am not sweating as much and especially not at night. I LOOK so muchbetter, My skin in my face has not looked this clear and youth full in a long time. My eyes look clear and lively and I have lost some weight in my face. I have lost around 5 pounds since I stopped, My belly is also shrinking a little bit I can tell I have a fatty liver and vicarious fat. My blood pressuretoday is down to 136/82 and seems to be falling daily. My mind is so much clearer. Before I was depressed, had a quick temper andagitated quickly. Nownot much at all. I can concentrate my anxiety has gone way down something I didn't even really notice all that much before I stopped drinking. I can sleep! andmost of all I canstart to see happiness and good in the world. It doesn't always seem like such a dark place that I have seen it as for the past while in my life.
So many wasted years and time wasted being drunk and being hung over. You miss out on a lot treating yourself like a trash bin. I didn't see this when Iwas drinking,All I saw was that night when I could get drunk and then not worry about tomorrow. But tomorrow always comes and its another day wastedanother opportunity wasted, to do something maybe you loved to do but its been too long and you have forgotten. I know I have not been sober that long butfor the short time I have been my insight and my mind has opened up to what I have been doing to myself, what drinking really is all about. How it can putyour life on hiatus, and make you forget how good life was before you started drinking.
Thanx for reading my post. I hope any of you reading this maybe can consider taking the lighter path of life as I have now chosen, the other path is verydark and lonely.