had an opportunity to buy alcohol the day before yesterday and didn't even consider it. i turned down a drink at my friend's place last night too. it actually wasn't that hard – i am channeling the burning frustration i feel from being unheard by the public health system into fighting the urge to self medicate with alcohol. so They don't want to help me with my substance issues, fine, then i'll do it Myself!!

i figure i will deal with one thing at a time, my mental health and pain meds are far more effective without the added alcohol even i can see that (when i'm not drinking). below is the poem by Maya Angelou put to music by Ben Harper, called "I'll Rise" this is my anthem 🙂

"I'll Rise"

You may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies
You may trod me down in the very dirt
And still like the dust I'll rise

Does my happiness upset you
Why are you best with gloom
Cause I laugh like I've got an oil well
Pumpin' in my living room

Now did you want to see me broken
Bowed head and lowered eyes
Shoulders fallen down like tear drops
Weakened by my soulful cries

Does my confidence upset you
Don't you take it awful hard
Cause I walk like I've got a diamond mine
Breakin up in my front yard

Does my happiness upset you
Why are you best with gloom
Cause I laugh like I've got a goldmine
Diggin' up in my living room

So you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise
Out of the shacks of history's shame
Up from a past rooted in pain
I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise