I just need to share this, and vent a little too.

 The past week I have been feeling alot of anxiety, crying for no reason, and moody. I am overwhelmed from school , homework and other things, so I know some of that is part of it, then also I realized today, it also could be that july 17 , will be year since my mom died, also in that month, 6 and 7 years ago, my dad passed and sister. So could be a commbination of all this. Oh and also peri menopuase too, lol but some of the crying could be that. I do not know. I also been seeing someone and have recently been questioning if I should even be trying a relationship. Which I have decided I do not need that right now, and so of course he took it all personal. But I need to work on me, because..

 I have not felt the emotions and the anxiety I have been feeling this past week in many years, I felt like I was heading toward a breakdown , or something. I talked about it and got some good suggestions. I also listened to some share that , made me realize that since school began few weeks ago, I have been lacking in some thing, like reading in the book, calling others, I have been so stressed, and struggling with all the homework and wondering if I was even going to be able to handle this all. I have forgot to tend to my program and also have not been eating right., going all day with nothing but a yogurt in morning till I am shaking and I know if I do not eat and take it a break to be sure I do..I will end up sick .

 Anyways, I am seeing things I need to do , and that is good, that I am. I also feel I did right thing by stopping the relationship, I was seeing I was doing alot of old behavior, just in things I would say or do , almos tlike I was pushing him away so I did not have to be bad guy, but he swore he loved me and he would be patient. But know I need to love me and work on my defects alot more further , and I cannot do that while I am a relationship, am I right in feeling this?

 Okay now that was all my venting part, now is my higher power story

 Like I said I have been feeling bit crazy, overwhelmed, like I was going to crash. Well, For now reason in my noon meeting today, someone said something that made me realize a few things I am lacking in, specially when it comes to working the steps and praying. I began crying and shared just a bit on what I was feeling and going through and how confused I was feelings.. after i was done this lady came to me and took me by my hand and said come outside with me. I had never seen her in this meeting before. But she gave me a huge hug, and then held my hands told me to breath, clear my head, breath thought the nose and out of mouth , calmly. Then she said repeat after me, and she began saying the 3rd step prayer.

   Now the thing is she was here from another city inmy state just for day or so. Now after we prayed , she talked gave me her numbers, I have a sponser already and she knows, this but says I want you to call me everyday, in morning when you wake up. Now by end of meeting I am feeling better! Now I know that WAS my Higher Power working , she was there from out of town, never seen her before, she just found our Fellowship hall out of the where and when and just one a day , I am feeling like I am falling apart!

  So yes, I am beginning to believe more strongly then before that things happen for a reason. She was sent to me, even though I am working in the book with someone, my sponser at times , works alot, and so I am slowly going through book. Here comes this wonderful women today , who wants to be a part of my recovery too, to help me. It was awesome! The feelings I felt as she prayed with me was something powerful! I am so grateful , I stayed for that meeting, because i chair the one before the noon meetings and I was going to go home after that to do homework but decided to stay for the noon meeting. Now I know , why and who made me sit there and stay. GOD was talking to me and working for me!

 God Bless !   

                     Kathleen

 

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