Well i just joined this site today i’ve been searching for one like this cause im having a rough time lately.Back in March i got news that my brother had been killed in a park and if im honest i just told myself that it was a prank and that he was just away on a trip but then it was all over the news and all over google and it finally hit me and it hit me hard cause the last time i saw my brother i was so stubborn that when he got mad at me i walked out of his apartment and didn’t even say bye or i love you i wish i could go back in time and done everything different for a long time i just sat in my bed and slept and cried that was pretty much all i did when my parents cleaned out his house they gave me some of his clothes for awhile i would just hold them and not let them out of my sight but then it just became to much so i put them up cause all it would be was a bad reminder that he was gone then a day or two after i learned that he died i got news that my hamster had died and people say that it is just a hamster but she was with me for a long time and she was pretty much my daughter anytime i would think i lost her or if i accidentally hurt her i would cry even after i found her i would still be crying and worse of all i had to hear both of these things over the phone cause i wasn’t at my house i hadn’t been for awhile then i felt like i was broken i honestly felt like i couldn’t breath then not even gonna lie i turned to drugs cause i just didn’t want to feel all the feelings i was feeling then i honestly forced myself to stop  it sucked having to feel all those feelings again but i couldn’t continue to screw up my body since need to be healthy and everything for all the things i do i’m not sure why i am telling people pretty much my life story i mean i’m sure that most people are not gonna read this thing which is totally fine.