I've never wrote a blog before, the thought of other people, strangers for that matter knowing deep and personal information about my life was never my favorite idea, but i need help, and i feel likei have noone to talk to. But here goes nothin…
I got sober in December of 2010 after many years of using and a lot of horrible consequences because of my HORRIBLE decisions , including coming way too close to comfort to losing my life, on more than one occasion. I was sober for a little over 2 years and relapsed about a year ago this month. Once I started back, it was full force, game on, and when they say it gets worse never better, boy were they not joking.
I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first child. And I am very pleased to say, sober again, which is amazing because I never thought that would happen, I truly thought I'd diein addiction,and I owe that all to my unborn son. He's already my hero, and he isn't even here yet. He's allowed me to experience joy again.
Now, his father on the other hand, who is my fiance and the love of my life, I'm so scared for. He's addicted to heroin, and he's very honest with me about using every day and when he's going to get drugs, etc. We are living in different towns right now, so it makes it a lot easier on me, not having to be around that, but emotionally, the toll it is taking on me is so hard. I don't want to leave him, I don't give up on people that I love, and he is trying to quit, seriously has taken a huge drop in the amount that he is doing, tapering himself off, but his mind is so wrapped up in the drug and the "game", I want him to be around. I want him to be there when our first son is born, happy, healthy and sober. I want him to help me raise him, teach him how to play football, be at the end of the aisle waiting for me on our wedding day, at our sons first day of school, not locked up in a prison or in the ground. He breaks down every time he tries to tell me that he's trying to quit, crying, feeling like a piece of crap about himself, beating himself up because he's not "good enough" for me, etc. I need to know how some of you have dealt with a situation like this, I need to know how I should go about helping him, I need help dealing…. because it's breakin my heart.