I fly off the handle when anyone changes something that is in my personal space i.e my room in my parents house (where I don't want to be living, but I can't help it currently) When I know one of them has been in here.. up lifted my wardrobe or have painted a patch of my ceiling.. I can't help but feel ill 😐 I don't like the concept of someone being around my space and changing things when I'm not there.
It makes me feel crazier, but I can't tolerate it. I have no idea why, its just another gift I've been landed with. All they are doing is trying to help me.. I'm sure they don't do these things to irritate me, but in the process they just can't help it.
This space has become the only place I can call my own and I think I may be feeling my indepence is completely shattered when they come in here and alter things. I've not lived at home for three years and I'm not I'm back here until I make enough on my own to move out. I can't really stand the idea that I can't get out and that when they come in here and change things or move things it makes me feel even more powerless.
I'm not sure if it makes sense to anyone else, but feeling in control of something is really important to me. My thoughts are hard enough to understand and keep a hold of enough as it is.
I felt I just need to let this out here so I didn't get into a silly fight with the parents. Not to sound totally teenage and pathetic, but they don't and will never understand what goes on in my little warped mind… I don't so I don't expect them to. I do end up feeling guilty for having small outburst, but I just can't help it, it feels so neccessary in the moment. Seems silly after a while… So my ceiling looks stupid because my dad painted half of it and left the rest… There's nothing I can do to change it, might as well take it in and accept it as a stupid quirk of the room.
Who knows, maybe it will inspire a re-decorate.