Two weeks with no job. i'm broke. have do cash in my saving bonds for rent. the cable bill should be $45. they sent us a "final notice" saying we owe 125 went they never sent us anyother bill.

still cant find a psychiatrist. made a million phone calls. no one has called me back yet. i need to get on meds asap.

i'm poor enough to go look for jobs. but it will still take a while to get paid.

i owe the bank $1000 from my credit line, plus at least 80 for being overdrawn.

i applied for a credit card to fix my car. more debt.

i only ask my mom for the mimium amount of money so i can eat and go to the pharmacy. (still need to get a bunhc more diabetes rxs filled)

it seems everyone expects my boyfriend to support me. he has as much as he can. but i'm not working, so thats a third of our income gone. and theres a 50% increase in rent in this town. he makes almost as much as my mom. but our rent is just as much as my mom's morgage and we have two months to feed, my mom only has herself.

i would lvoe more than anything to be a stay at home girlfriend. cook, go to school, make art, try to sell it. i hate laundry, but if was home everday for good i wouldn't mind. i like to work. but not right now.

there are so many people out there that are worse off. I havent been avicted, my car hasnt been taken away, i have food (although its not much).

my mom wants to rent out my bedroom at her house. shes been talking about that for a year. but she found someone for the summer. my safty net for moving so far away was that i could always go home. i feel like i dont have a home now. i'm comfortble in this apartment, but its 70 miles away from the only home ive ever known.

my agoraphobia is better, but my depression has taken over. i did nothing but watch tv all day yesterday. i wake up and i feel like i just ran a marathon.

i havent paid my therapist yet. i feel like shit. i still want to hide.

i wish my family was rich and could help me out right now. my dad makes bank, too bad he's an alcoholic. his crazy (insert explitive here) wife doesnt work because shes so messed up with alcohol and god knows what else.

i'm so jelouse of people who get to go to college right out of high school. I had it for a year. it was a tease. since then i've been working my butt off to make money to support myself anf go to school. legally, since my parents got a divorse when i was high school, my parents are supposted to pay 50% of school a piece. I've gotten some money back from school, but not even 50%. my mum used to pay for my perscriptions (its so expensive to be diabetic)- when i asked her the other day to go to the pharmacy, she was like "i know i spend a ton of money every month for me." how does she expect me to make enough money to pay for my shit. i havent gotten my birth controll b/c i dont have the money. but i HAVE to get my diabetes stuff. i've resorted to re-using siringes (which starts to hurt!!)

i want to get on meds so i can get on with my daily life!!!! i know there is no miracle pill, but it will help! i cant function. now my boyfriend is getting mad stressed out. i suggested 6 months ago he see someone about his stress-management. he saw her twice.

i'm not ready for this much responsibility. i dont want to grow up. i want to be a student. i want a degree. i want a career. then i'll pay all the bills and buy all the medicine. i'm not ready right now. i dont want to be a grown up! i want someone to take care of me and to feel safe. i hate my life.