we're all alone in the end. really, we're alone from the very start we just didn't know it yet.

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i read my ex-friend's text to me, and it just made me sink lower then ever before. 'she cares' bullsh*t. if she did she wouldn't have did what she did. she 'misses' me more bullsh*t.

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even talking to kim things are heating up and I know i'm purposely pushing her away because I know what's to come, she'll leave me to. why should she put up with a problem that isn't hers?

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i came to to world alone and i'll leave it alone. that I know for sure. i'm not some kid looking for attention i've been feeling this my whole life. I don't belong.

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never have never will.

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then mom gets me up at almost 4 in the morning to show me some bullsh*t sh*t that came also help with my surgery because another girl who was like 'me' got help from it.

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my case was worse then hers, how does she know they can help me? HUH? she doesn't. i'm tired of her words most of all.

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i might sound nasty but i'm sick of this, i've been to patient,to kind, to forgiving, to faithful and it's all f@cked me over. i'm worse then when I started.

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no one understands this, and they never will. honestly, LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE. I have that right! if I want to be 80 f@cking pounds again I can, if I want to go lower I WILL;

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i've been hitting myself all night because I can't sleep. I've taken a bunch of xanax and nothing. nothing has helped.

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f@ck everything, EVERYTHING.

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GOD I don't even know what the point of this entry is for….whatever i'm done now. you can all ignore this like everything else i've said.

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have a 'good' morning. (it is 4:14am after all)