Unfortunatly I got more sunburnt than I thought. My back is red and sore. One of the downsides to wearing halter swimwear is when you get your back burnt wearing a bra just outright hurts. Thats what I get for not putting sunscreen on my back.

I didn’t do much today, and that was my plan. I left the house for a short amount of time, just to get a movie at the video store and some lunch. I can’t believe how much I have been eating lately.  Its not good. I eat when I get depressed, well more depressed, and then I get even more depressed for being overweight. It’s just a never ending cycle.

This evening I was watching The Devil Wears Prada and all of a sudden I was feeling very emotional. I went to my room and curled up and started to cry. I don’t know what brought it on. I feel somewhat in a dream state. Nothing seems real. I feel like I’m lost in a forest. I know at the end of the forest there is a beautiful meadow- I just need to get there. Things are going well for me, so why do I feel sad? There are times when I simply do not understand myself. I’m a stranger to even myself.

I eventually left my room to go to the bathroom. When I got back to my room, I closed the door and just leant against it for support. I ended up slidding down the door until I was sitting on the floor. I don’t know what came over me. I felt like I couldn’t move. Frozen in time and space. The tears came again. My head just became full of thaughts that never settled. It took me about 15minutes before I could get myself off the floor and back into bed. Even now- more than an hour later, My head still feels strange. Almost light headed. Its strange and i’m unsure of it. I feel dizzy and uneven. Like I’m floating. I don’t know if its cause of the energy drink I had earlier or if its just something different.

I have to get up early again tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it.

I don’t know why I am …………………….


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