I want to type something here which is possitive. So right now im going to explain why i love the one i love. Even though i've lost him forever and its all my fault.

I dream of him so often that sometimes i think its real. And i can feel his warm hands through mine and his scarred body against mine. He was so loving and caring.. He did everything for me.. gave up everything to make me happy. He wanted to marry me. I love his beautiful hazel eyes.. His left eye is slightly squint to his right.. He has a perfect nose with the tiniest little freckle on his left nostril. His lips were so soft against mine.. And the way he always looked at me and told me he loved me with his wonderfully crooked smile made my stomach twist and turn and my heart jump. I love him because he made me feel beautiful. He told me every day that my body is beautiful and that i am perfect. He wanted to spend his life with me.

What annoys me is that i had to fight for him. I fell in love with him as soon as he looked in my eyes. After that moment i didnt give up trying to make him mine. And i did. He didnt love me to start with.. he barely seemed interested.. but he slowly fell for me and i was so happy with him. Hes all i want. I wish i could go back in time and change myself into a better person. He deserved so much better than me. I will never see him again. Never hear his half english half canadian voice again. I'll always love him more than my life. But it would have been so much better for us if we never met.