I was sexually assaulted and I have just recently been talking about it to my close friends i really never realized the toll it had taken on me until I started talking about it I was sitting in class and all of a sudden I just wanted to cry because I realized a lot of my actions have surrounded my assault ever since it happened I have stayed as far away from people as possible I really liked this one guy I was dating and then I broke up with him because I thought he wouldn’t want to be with me because what had happened I thought it was my fault because it didn’t just happen once it happened again with someone else so I thought that I was asking for that to happen because of what I was wearing and then i started gaining weight because in society if you are “fat” then you are “ugly” and I thought if I was ugly no one would want to do that but then came the eating disorder knocking on my door I would not eat and still work out before and after school I still struggle with it in lunch at my table I’ll be eating a granola bar and then think to myself that was a lot of food maybe I’ll skip dinner and breakfast tomorrow and people kept commenting on how I look so nice now that I have lost weight but it hasn’t helped at all in the mirror I still look at this ugly depressed kid who fucks up everything they do I don’t get the good grades I’m not in sports I don’t even get good sleep anymore that used to be the highlight of my day when I could sleep away my problems but now I just can’t sleep I sleep in class but that’s not really an escape because I end up getting in trouble or felling stupid because I am behind in the class

1 Comment
  1. redfoxxymama 3 years ago

    Hi there,

    I understand your struggle with the sexual assault. I was raped two years ago and tried to pretend it was ok and my fault but it’s caused me tremendous pain. I still have issues revolving around it. Probably always will. Fell free to reach out to talk to me or others.

    0 kudos

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