I didn't really know myself, my true self, until I went through the steps. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I've finished them, but I have done them one to the best of my ability and I continue to work 4-5-6-7, especially when something “forgotten” surfaces. I do 10-11-12 daily.

Two years ago I was a mess! I got into a step group at four months sober and spent 11 months formally working the steps in a group. Until I finished the last of my 9th step amends I was still a “reflection” of the attitudes and ideas of the people around me. Somewhere after the 9th step, I began to realize that I have standards – values – that I am individual and I began to know ME and more important I developed the courage to BE me.

I remember this guy, a casual acquaintance, but one of the COOL AA guys…I was telling him that I got a night guard for my teeth… his reaction was, “I'll bet THAT'S attractive to sleep with!” (sarcastically). My first thought was that it was totally none of his business, he didn't sleep with me! What a jerk!…But I still remembered his comment when I alone and at home and putting it in my mouth!

Today I see that that guy had no concern for my health and well being.. and his opinion is irrelevant, even comical! I don't think he's a “cool” guy any more! Today I can invite people out of my life who have no concern for my health and well being.

When I came to AA, I trusted everyone. I thought everyone was on the bright and shiny road to recovery and all spiritual. I have found that there is a big big difference between the “fellowship” (those who come to the meetings but refuse to do the steps) and the “Program” which IS the steps.

I have noticed that people who don't work the steps are like I was, blowing in the wind' they modify their behavior, attitudes, etc. to suit the people around them, no matter how misguided they may be.

If the people they hang out with approve of their behavior, they will defend and perpetuate it.

There is no CHANGE without the steps and I guess the old addage is true, “You can sober up a scumbag, but all you're gonna get is a sober scumbag.” (Or was that horsethief?)

Change is a choice. My life is full of choices. I don't want to let others make them for me today. I trust myself today, I KNOW who I am…most of all I trust GUS (Great Universal Spirit, my HP)and the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. But they ony work if you work them.