Well…it's been over two years since I last blogged here and so much has changed but yet not much has really changed at all. I am now a grandma. My grandson just turned 1 year old last week. He is my new lease on life…. We moved away from the dark insanity that I call Flint, Michigan this past September. When we first moved out here my son who at the time was 16 decided that this move was not to be a part of his life and that he was going to stay there. So he did. He visited about everyother weekend (til that awful night in February when he was pistol whipped by a so called friend of his and decided to come back home) with every visit being very much with incident. If it wasn't his screaming and yelling he would try to make it physical…usually him and his father. We finally put an end to it and told him he was not to come back if he was going to continue to act out as he was. It's been an extremely rough ride with this young man. I would never have thought that with both parents in the home that a child would stray the way he has chosen to. I think the hardest part is that his father and I don't parent in the same manner. I tried so hard for so long basically by what Ia felt as all by myself being his father was either to busy doing both what had had to and wanted to do…perhaps it was his way to shadow the problems. I remember thinkg at one point in my life that if the parents worked with their kids and showed and taught them the "good path to go thru in life that they would be more apt to go that way. I guess what I didn't realize is that with as much guidance and assurance they could and some do still slide off the beaten track.
So anyway, while he was out and about doing his own thing he got himself in some trouble with the law and now he is about th pay the conciquences for his wrong doings. He knew when he did what he did that he was in the wrong. He was brought up being taught right from wrong, to have respect for your elders, do the best you can and that family is the most important thing in your life. He was taught the true fundementals that you need to exceed and live life to the fullest. We never know that truly goes on in the head of a teenager. It will forever be a mystery to all even though we as people live thru this part of live. But what I suppose confuses me the most is how one who is taught all the rights ways can vere off to the side and expect everyone to think and believe that they are not wrong or should I say try to convince others to believe it is ok to ask in such a manner. Perhaps this is the hardest part of being a parent with a teenager.
What makes being a parent of a teen even tougher I believe is when your married to the childs other parent and the both of you have 2 completely different mindsets on how to raise your child thru those years of complexity. For example…1 parent believes that you should not only guide your child thru but also allow them to learn from their mistakes and the other parent wants to be a friend to that child and be there to pull him/her back out of the mud puddle they have just thrown theirself into and not allow the child to see the consequences of their wrong doings. It doesn't work very well, this I can attest to. It is not good for the child nor to the marriage especially when the marriage is already not the best it can be. So of course the child will lean on the parent that makes it all the easier on them than only in the long run do they realize that it was not in their best interest to have that parent picking them up and wish that they would have chosen the other way of being taught…it's not easy. I know this only because I have lived this reality. Does this make me feel any less for either one of my parents? No…I still love them both and now some 30 years later I realize why they both were the way they were but that is a very long time to have to realize that when you can go thru life doing what you should rightfully be doing and not having to live a tough life to get there.