Just had surgery, so I figured since I'm not moving around on my feet for a few weeks, this would be a good opportunity to "put pen to paper," so to speak. 750words.com would be a good place for that too, but I mainly only use it for story writing.

Still on Hydrocodon, so I'm sorry if I'm not too coherent.

But ever since the beginning of 2013, my mental health has deteriorated at a more alarming pace than usual. Depressive episodes and extreme thoughts are more frequent.

Although I don't think it's situational, many events have triggered an acceleration into panic…like my 18th birthday, leaving my job (because I'm so busy this summer and unable to work), graduating high school, orientation for the university. Life is starting to get to me in a negative realization of all I ever was and all I ever will become.

Although I think it's inevitable, I need to plan to speak with the university's mental health center for appointments.

I'm extremely ashamed and embarrassed to admit it. I don't want to admit that I'm having depression issues. That, when I don't smoke, I get huge urges to self injure in some for or another. I can't function, I can't focus.

And going to this university might stress me out even more, besides the fact that college is never easy, I'm terrified.

It's a HUGE out of state school. Rated on of the hottest campuses and best campus to party on.

I know I can fit in, but it'll be all faked. And I'll be so stressed out by social situations, along with normal college courses.

And I'm scared of my roommate. If she doesn't like me. If she's stuck up.

It's really starting to stress me out more and more and I can't type or concentrate when other people are in the room, so getting off.

Misophonia is getting really bad. Can't stand being with my parents. Hate them, need to leave the house.


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