I don\’t even know where to start… Wow! My past… Divorced  with 2 adult children and  a grandchild. I was with a man I loved but didn\’t work cuz of his adult children. I left him in 2013 then he suddenly died. Moved from State to state. Was homeless. Been in another relationship since , had to leave the state my family and children are in cuz I had nowhere to live. I have no friends. No car. Haven\’t seen a doctor in 8 yrs. I stay in a trailer 24/7. I have a debilitating dog phobia.extreme anxiety. Miss my children. Wish I could go home. But there\’s no home to go home to. I’m so depressed I think about ending my misery but I don’t want to hurt my children. I feel hopeless. I’m so tired. I just want to feel normal again. I look at everyone else’s lives and they have friends and a social life they seem so happy and motivated and busy. While I’m trapped inside slowly dying. I’m so disgusted with myself. Just need someone who understands. My man is probably sick of hearing me complain. Isolation and depression is taking my life. I apply for jobs but I know I can’t keep one. I never could. I recently applied for disability and they told me getting a job would probably keep me from being approved. I’m so mentally restless. I stay up til 3 am.i get up at 7 or 8 am. Seldom sleep… Sure would be nice to talk to people that can relate. Maybe even a friend. I’ve got a way of keeping anyone from getting close to me. I don’t like clingyness. I even affect my family this way. I’m defected as a woman as a person. I’m flawed and really messed up. Anyway I’m alive. Not living but I’m alive.

5 Comments
  1. Author
    justfay 3 years ago

    Wish I could get to better times. Thank you

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  2. firefighter39m 3 years ago

    Hello Justfay
    Hmm one step at a time I know its hard Home is what we make of it , I am Learning this to I was married for 21 years the first time she thought the grass was greener on the other side , I thought the world came to an end I was running scare I even ended up getting married to someone I didn’t even Love just to have a family and a home so for the last 13 years of my life has and still is miserable I don’t why I stay around with her no respect from her or her kids , my boys don’t have any thing to do with me because of her I don’t get to see the grand kids either BUT I keep going hoping something will give or change so will you and then one day the sun shine and you will feel the warmth again and things will be better

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  3. cassnm 3 years ago

    The fact that you’re still alive says a lot. You’re really struggling but you’ve fought your way to this point. You’re here for your kids. You’re on this site because you want to get better. You’re strong and you have it in you. Keep on going.

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  4. lookingforward 3 years ago

    Hey fay,

    I hope you’re feeling a bit better today.

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  5. ucfdarkknight 3 years ago

    i’m so sorry you have so many things stacked against you. It sounds very very difficult.

    I truly do wish you the best

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