I don\’t even know where to start… Wow! My past… Divorced  with 2 adult children and  a grandchild. I was with a man I loved but didn\’t work cuz of his adult children. I left him in 2013 then he suddenly died. Moved from State to state. Was homeless. Been in another relationship since , had to leave the state my family and children are in cuz I had nowhere to live. I have no friends. No car. Haven\’t seen a doctor in 8 yrs. I stay in a trailer 24/7. I have a debilitating dog phobia.extreme anxiety. Miss my children. Wish I could go home. But there\’s no home to go home to. I’m so depressed I think about ending my misery but I don’t want to hurt my children. I feel hopeless. I’m so tired. I just want to feel normal again. I look at everyone else’s lives and they have friends and a social life they seem so happy and motivated and busy. While I’m trapped inside slowly dying. I’m so disgusted with myself. Just need someone who understands. My man is probably sick of hearing me complain. Isolation and depression is taking my life. I apply for jobs but I know I can’t keep one. I never could. I recently applied for disability and they told me getting a job would probably keep me from being approved. I’m so mentally restless. I stay up til 3 am.i get up at 7 or 8 am. Seldom sleep… Sure would be nice to talk to people that can relate. Maybe even a friend. I’ve got a way of keeping anyone from getting close to me. I don’t like clingyness. I even affect my family this way. I’m defected as a woman as a person. I’m flawed and really messed up. Anyway I’m alive. Not living but I’m alive.