Hi,
Hope all of you are well? I've been wondering lately about my ocd and how it may have turned into something else like some personality disorder or maybe that's what I've had all along. About 2 years ago I was convinced I had Pure O type ocd because everything I've read and heard about it was exactly what I was experiencing. Now thought I don't notice those thoughts anymore but I'm more focused and obsessed about my emotions (mostly anger). I don't get angry so often but I still hate it when I do get angry and I think about it for ages. Could that be another obsession? I don't have any compulsions besides biting nails and picking on my face. I also like to fix things if they're uneven and when I tidy my house and someone moves something out of place it bothers me a lot but doesn't cause anxiety, could that still be ocd? I don't even experience so much anxiety now anyway, just feel weird from time to time and have these feelings of detachment and feelings that I don't love my family enough. I feel terribly guilty after I've been upset with the kids and sometimes I'd curse at them and spank them which I'm not proud off. It eats at me for days. I've started thinking that I don't have any ocd and I'm just becoming crazy and out of control. I feel like a psychopath and one moment I'm ok and mellow and see things rationally and the next moment I'm like a beast. The worst part is the bad feelings inside me that I'm very scared of. Not that I would do anything horrible to anyone but I hate having those feelings. I also hate when my own family like for example my mother irritates me so much just for the way she is. She is always negative and nothing is ever good enough. I'd buy her something she asked me to get and when she sees it her first reaction is negative so it pisses me off but it doesn't stop there, she tends to irritate me then for the rest of the day. I wish I could just leave it and chill and not let things bother me. I know I can approach things differently but it's stronger then me most times. I hope I don't have some personality disorder. My husband is another person who irritates me a lot and 1 little wrong thing out of his mouth sends me into a rage within my self. I hope you all don't think I'm crazy. I just had to get this out and maybe some of you have felt similar and can give me some advice.
I hear you. I hate it when I get upset with my kids also. I feel terribly guilty and along with that comes the anxiety. I think you have OCD, but like me, and many others, it comes out more when your stress level is up. You are not alone. =0)
the thing is, i think a lot of these things cross over, and yeah all that stuff is ocd, and then yeah total stress. i dont know…you know two days ago i threw pizza at george, in a fit of random sudden rage?? hahaha – i still say, if you're really worried about these things, brave it up and go to the dr and just find out, because if you worry about it this much, then thats the ocd making you dwell on it, and you should at least find out one way or the other.
I don't think you have a personality disorder. I've talked to my pshych. about this. I thought maybe I had something else, other than OCD. My thoughts are always there, which is frustrating to begin with. When my precious little 3 yr. old is just being a "3 yr. old" (jumping, running, being loud, etc.) my OCD really acts up and I get very frustrated – with myself. Then I feel so guilty! Like I'm the worse mother in the world. I question why God gave me children when I have this disorder. Inside, I know that I love my kids more than anything in the world and I hate having these thoughts. My doctor said that OCD shows up differently in different people, but it's defenitely OCD.