I have enjoyed going to the gym for the past year. I lost 30 pounds through exercise, eating better, and wanting to take care of myself. I feel better and look better in comparison to how I was even a year ago.
The OCD has affected me more at the gym than anywhere else. I will hear a thought telling me that unless I lift a certain amount of weight then either I will gain weight or something will happen to my family. I know that this is all a lie but when I "hear" this constantly I feel as if I have to "listen". There have been times when I will not use a certain machine, will not lift a certain amount of weight, or won’t even drink water, in response to the OCD thoughts running through my mind. A previous commenter has said that the OCD attacks what we hold closest to our hearts and this is true for me when I am exercising.
The concern I have is that it feels real even though I know the exact opposite is true. The OCD has never been real in that the threats are all shadows that have no real danger. In the case of the gym, what is happening is that my mind has become so filled with fear that I have to obey. Ignoring the OCD only causes more problems so I listen only to make the thoughts stop. That never happens either but at least it does help.
I want people to know that my short time here on OCD Tribe has already helped me. I still have OCD but it is good knowing that there are others who experience the same thing. My gym experience may not be like anyone else’s, but it is close enough that others can relate.