My dad drives me insane. He’s a very strict man, set in his ways about literally everything. God help you if your opinion is even the slightest different from his, because he’s stubborn and even though he’ll let you state you points, he always twists things to benefit himself and make you look wrong. Maybe it stems from his military background, but he’s been out of the services for at least 20 years and his home should not become his army grounds.
He does little petty things all the time that drive me, my sister, and my mother insane. He has rules that make no sense, and if you defy them in the slightest you’re in trouble. So, here’s an example. He has a rule that requires all of us to be awake, showered, dressed, and ready to potentially walk out of the house before 9 am. While this might make sense as it being a rule to get everyone awake before the day is over, if you take even 10 minutes longer than the set time (so you’re ready at 9:10, not 9) he holds it against you.
Which was my case today. I woke up around 8:30, but didn’t get out of the shower until around 9:10. He didn’t say anything in the morning time, but later when I asked if he would help me practice parallel parking, his response was “I was ready at 9 this morning”.
The man is pettier than my high school girl friends.
Of course, whenever he’s mad he stops around huffing and puffing, which he’s doing now. He can’t tell me when he has an issue with me, though, because apparently I think it’s him attacking me (those are his words not mine). So he tells all his issues to my mother, who has to pass the word along. It’s come to the point where she’s coming to my sister and I saying “your father wants you two to clean the house today”.
And it’s not even him saying these things that’s an issue, it’s how he says it that makes you feel like you’re being attacked. He yells at you for the littlest things, but acts as if he’s told you in the sweetest way. It’s come to the point where when he’s giving advice or help for even just playing a game, he gets frustrated if you don’t know what he’s talking about (because he doesn’t detail things, he just says “no do it like this” “hold your arms this way”) and he starts yelling. But. It’s. A. Game. And nobody asked for your help.
It’s always been like this, though, and to be quite honest I’m counting down the days until I can go off to college. Because living here, living like this, it’s driving me to my breaking point (forget everything else that’s going on in my life too).
roseee, wow….i feel for ya! i grew up in a military-type household, but by the time i was born, my father had already retired. Military or not, just bossing someone around or demanding unrealistic behavior isn’t the way to go… *sigh Some of the time, i feel that if people could just see themselves from a spectator’s standpoint–a bug on the wall,if you will–things might make more sense to them, and they may even choose to make some changes. Other times, i feel like no matter what sort of influences or corrections the individuals are led towards, they’re never gonna understand what they’ve ‘done wrong’ or why there is any issue, at all. i wish there was a way for your father to see his actions and the effects they’re having on all of you. Do you know if your mom or/and dad have ever seen any sort of therapist? or some sort of pastor or the like? The reason i ask mainly, has to do with conscience and the results of their choices. If your mom has never spoken openly to anyone about how things are, then maybe she (and ya’ll, as well) should speak to someone that might shed some light on the situation for you? Perhaps, even, suggest how to go about speaking in a positive way to your father so it won’t create more animosity? Perhaps, even, speak with your father in an effort to elaborate on how the situation has affected you and your sister and mother? i get what you mean about counting the days. i do. But, honestly, if he’s gonna be the same, always, what about the visits back home or holidays or even when/if you or/and your sister decide to get married or that sorta thing?? –Just tryin to give you something to think about, in the future. i’m sure you still want your father to be a part of your life, even if from a distance. Wouldn’t it be healthier if there was a bit more understanding and rational behavior included?–just sayin.
i really do hope you can work through some things and ya’ll can have a healthier relationship–all around. Somebody has to make the fist step, though. Good luck!!! ***Hugs***
Wow, that’s really insightful, thank you so much! I will definitely take that into consideration, and I really appreciate your feedback! : )