I’m one of those people that gets really depressed and angry when I feel cooped up. Well, tonight is no exception. Normally, I go out with friends on Thursday nights. Well, due to being broke, I can’t tomorrow. So now I feel stuck. I hate being at home because…well, honestly, I’m not sure why; but I hate being here and unable to leave. I feel like a caged animal that needs to be freed. Only freedome will never come as soon as I want it to. I know that the depression is comming on because I’m tired. Usually, I’m at my best time in the nights and evenings unless I feel isolated or lonely. And tonight, I feel both. I want to go to sleep but I know that if I go to bed when I’m feeling like this, I’ll be even worse when I wake up. So I’d rather just force myself to stay awake until I feel happy again. I wish I didn’t have to feel like this. I wish that I could “sleep it off” but I am how I am. I wish that I could at least have a friend spend the night over here so I’d at least have someone to talk to. I may live with my parents, two sisters, brother, two dogs and a cat; but that’s just not the same as with my friends. There’s so much that my family doesn’t know about me because I don’t want to tell them for my own reasons. Like they don’t know about my sexuality because I’d be disowned and then have no roof over my head. They don’t know about this lonelyness because they just don’t understand or can’t comprehend what I’ve told them about it so talking with family over this only adds to the frusteration side of things, there for I keep my mouth shut about most of who I am and go with the flow with who they think I am. I’m just rambling on, though. It doesn’t really matter. Fact is I’m stuck at home with nobody that I can really talk to, I feel isolated and lonely, and I’ll more than likely end up going to bed all depressed and feeling even worse in the morning. When I get like this, I know that I just need time. I have to ride things out until I can get out again and be among the living, so to speak. It’s just the waiting that seems to go on for too long…:sad:
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I’m kinda hard to pin down these days, but if you’re ever feeling that lonely, give me a call. You know that if I can, I’ll come down for a visit, or pick you up to hang out. You should meet some of the people I’ve been hanging out with. They’re pretty cool.