I know I stole that title but i just feel that describes it to the way i feel alot of the time.

I am new to this site and to ever even think about talking about this kind of stuff so I am goin to try my best.

I dont really have a reason for feeling the way i do , i had a loving father and mother and brothers i guess i have always just felt like a outsider , like they were enjoying it but i just felt empty inside almost all the time, i have brushed it off for twenty years and i guess thats why all of a sudden it is a burden now i just feel comsumed and teared apart , some things just arent a funny as they used to be or i just feel a mile behind others i feel broken down and just plain dead inside i guess , i put on this funny goofey kinda guy on but really i just want some one to say i am with you , i understand and i want to help but just feel all people around me would just think im weak and just plain say get over it , i couldnt tell my mother either for she would just feel guitly for some reason or it was her fault ( shes like that ) and the rest of the family are real men ! could you imagine the amount of crap i would get , i just dont think they would understand it im not just sad im not just feeling down , I feel dead broken beaten lonely and just outsider no where near a world they live in.

twenty years and now all of a sudden i dont think i can cope like i used to and i think some people see it or think i am just plain rude some times for not responding like a normal person , but alot of the time people see me as a happy goofey person but really I feel empty Physically , emotionally and mentally and just plain beign eaten alive untill there is noithing left then asked to give more ?!?!?!

Which brings me back to the subject this " Dark passenger " follows me every where i go but mostly when the lights are out and i am on my own where a thousand thoughts run through my head some times i wish i had a partner but i always felt if they knew how i felt they would run away or just give me a symponthy vote.

I havent selpt properly since i just this site on 8th Dec or goin to bed at obscene hours at night or morning ( 3 30 – 4 am) and going to work.

Maybe one day ill sleep at a right hour and wake up like a normal hour

What i wish for christmas

1 Comment
  1. jesslinnett 9 years ago

     God, I know exactly what you're talking about. I once told my therapist that I felt so guilty for feeling the way I do. Because there are so many people who have the right to feel this way, and here's me hurting every day for no reason, and laying guilt on that way. I really here you. If you ever want to talk some more you should definitely message me.

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