The second day after I started taking the anti-anxiety medication.I think I fell into sleep 1.30am this morning.Woke up before 10.30am.I got 9 hours' sleep for sure.A bit tired but not as exhausted as the days before.I can feel a bit tense on the top of my head(yesterday morning the tension spots were on the back of my head). I think the medicine is working in a way.Maybe I am a bit more sensitive to the drug than other people.I don't know.All in all,I tend to believe this drug is more like a tranquilizer to me.

The moment I woke up I still felt a bit frustrated.I looked out of my window.It is another rainy morning. I talked with my mom on the phone last night. As I had expected it, she didn't take it very well that I have anxiety problem(plus minor depression). On top of that my saying "I am taking an anti-anxiety drug" got on her nerves. First she repeated that I had no reason to be stressed out.Then she moved on to tell me I can use my willpower to get over all the stressful feelings. "You just relax. And don't use any medicine at all." I told her that my anxiety had gone out of my control. That is why I went to see an councellor and later following my doctor's recommendation to take the prescription drug for a trial.She didn't really believe in what I told you.And she said something like I should have talked to her more when I felt stressful.Following those words, she mentioned that maybe I should not have told her this. Because she started to worry about me again. I said she was so used to getting me worry more about myself and my future once in while when we chatted…There was more that I should not have said to her including yelling at her over the phone "you never treat me like a grown-up"…"You want to talk again tomorrow. Or maybe another talk will get you more anxious?" I could sense anger and annoying feeling in her voice.I don't know what else I could say besides "I want to be honest with you so I told you this.And I want you to know I am grown up enough to seek help to fix my problems"…I know I will call her again to say sorry. It is just…I am so powerless in front of her stubbornness: she insisted that seeking profession help to fix an mental or emtional problem is unnecessory or even nonsense.I know she loves me so much. It is just…

P.S. Chatted with another friend yesterday, he advised me to walk and meditate,or do walking meditation. I think I will give it a try. And giving myself a couple of days to relax and to do nothing at all…sounds okay to me…

Awake but a bit down…In order to cheer myself up, I watch funny videos on Youtube…

 

Toilet Trained Cat Doing Number 2

A cute cat with a hilarious fall in the end…(warning: a pooping kitten)

 

This kid Dan Brown is talking about his travelling in Beijing, China. I love this kid's videos. He is such a cheerful soul. 

Watching Kim Sun Ah's movie S Diary with English subtitles on cruchyroll. It is a bittersweet story about the girl Jini. The ending is a bit ridiculous though.Gosh,I wish I knew Korean….My new goal…learning Korean…

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