I just want this day to end- Like NOW. I don't even know what to think about anything anymore.
Let me start at the beginning- So, Like I had said I was forced to go to that 'Zombie Town' play or whatever it was called. and it was beyond packed, I honestly don't understand why so many people would want to see such a thing, y'know?
So, The whole time I had to suppress a major panic attack, and I had to leave the area several times and to the bathroom, The first time I got major staredowns because I couldn't keep back the tears from my panic attack, and I know I looked like some crazy person for being like that at a comedy type of play.
Anyway, this happened several more times, then afterwards they wanted to go out to eat, and so another one had popped up. Though I had managed not to have to eat, My throat still burns from the purging last night…
When we got home I fled to my room, and I've been in there basically ever since. Though I got called out a few times, Only to get ripped on by mom because she was in one of her moods, then like an hour later she's back to her 'happy' self, and acted like nothing happened.
Though when she did rip on me, part of it she brought up Ali. which for those i've known for awhile that's my friend that basically couldn't handle me anymore after like 10yrs of knowing me, and dumped me ass because I was just a burden to her.
so, that caused another trigger and I ended up cutting…again, I didn't even try to stop myself this time, to be honest.
There's a fake peace at the moment between mom and dad, they're trying to put up a front for others, though they did get into another fight this morning. Tension is so high you can cut it with a knife.
But for this week their trying not to fight or whatever, They've said that before, and like before I know it won't last.
Some people might view this as me being negative. But I just know from experience, that it won't last!
Erm…I think that's it for now…I just don't feel good and I don't want to keep wasting everyone's time, This is just like the only place were I feel I can even begin to voice out how I feel, Though even though part of me feels like that,
Another part feels like when I do, It's just bothersome to the rest of the tribe, does anyone else ever feel like that- whether it's on this site or just anywhere else in general?
Well, anyway…I'll 'see' everyone later I guess.
(this is the link for the song btw…) www.youtube.com/watch