NOT having a good day. I was in a great mood until I had to take Zachary to his therapy appointment today. I talked with his therapist briefly about what happened and she told me that she would HAVE to call DCF about the situation. I tried to explain the bigger picture to her, but it didn't matter. I asked her to talk with Zachary about what happened, so she did.

I waited nervously in the waiting room, unable to focus on my book because of all of the thoughts racing around my head. What would happen to Corey? What if DCF took Corey away from BOTH of his parents? What if he ends up in a home? I don't want to be responsible for that, and I don't want to see my best friend and I go separate ways because of the mayhem this may cause. And yet still, I felt relief because finally someone with authority would be able to do something about it. My hands would be clean of it. That sounds awful, but that's how I feel.

Then Zach and his therapist came out. She sent Zach on a brief errand so that we could talk privately. What she told me made my blood run cold. Apparently this has happened at least once before, maybe more times. She said Zach would only answer her with "yes", "no" and "maybe". She said if there was any further contact with Corey and Heidi it needed to be in full sight of the adults at all times. My stomach dropped like a rock, and then tried to shoot up my throat. If I had anything to throw up in me I would have. Then the anger started taking over. How DARE he touch my child like that multiple times?! A friend on here is right, he's headed into becoming a sex offender. Like hell he's going to do it to my son! At that point I was GLAD that this would shake up Warren's world ~ and I hope it lands his ass in jail for a loooong time. The therapist told me that this meant almost definitely that Corey had been molested himself, and that she's also concerned about Heidi's situation and safety.

I left feeling sick but I couldn't show it. When I asked Zach how his session went he said "good, we played Chutes and Ladders" and that was all. So we did some running around town, and I took him to Toys R Us just to look around and buy something small. He ended up getting Gak (that ooze stuff that boys love to play with) and then we headed home. I had other things I needed to do today but I'm just to freakin' mad. I'm sad and scared too, but mostly just VERY angry. I don't know if I'll be able to talk to Michelle or Mike for awhile until I get this under control. I know it's not their fault, but I just can't keep from screaming.

For the rest of the day we're going to have a laid back afternoon. I don't want to leave the house,don't want to deal with people of any sort, don't want to talk on the phone or chat online. I'm hiding my feelings from Zach well, but when Aaron gets home I'm sure he's going to see me come unhinged. He's taken the day off tomorrow and I'm not sure how I feel about it given the situation. Maybe it will help me gain control of myself better. Maybe there's something he can say that can soothe me somewhat. I don't know. This has gouged a deep, burning hole into my chest where my heart is ~ and I'm not sure it's ever going to go away.

The clouds are building and it's beginning to rain. The thunder feels like the inside of me right now. I hope it pours. Maybe the sound of the storm will help me sleep for a little bit on the couch while Zachary plays in the living room and watches tv. I don't know if I CAN sleep.

Zachary is supposed to have a sleepover at his friend Joshua's house tomorrow, and I'm relieved at that. That way if we spend time with Michelle and Mike tomorrow Zach won't be anywhere near Corey. I haven't decided if I'm going to tell Michelle about DCF or not. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I guess I'll talk that over with Aaron later on tonight or tomorrow.

I have to relax, have to chill out, have to be calm for my son's sake. He doesn't need to see me like this, and I need to be strong for his sake. So I'm going to go play with him, maybe work on the puzzle we're doing or play a game, and spend time with him showing him how much I love him.

Yesterday we finally made it to the pool in the afternoon with Joshua and Mindy. The kids had a great time and it was cheaper than I thought it would be. It was a relief to be around someone I could talk to about this stuff. She doesn't know Michelle or the kids, so I don't feel bad spilling my guts about it. She's having her own problems too (though nothing like what's going on here) and we also talked about those. I'm so glad most of the time that she and her son came into our lives.

Well, I'm going to go. Maybe I'll blog again later when I've gotten ahold of myself and pulled it together. It helps me think.


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