Hello. I am a 20 year old male and this is my first time writing a blog or anything online for other people (I'm on my iPod this is going to be shorter than I'd like but my roommate can see everything I do on my computer an I prefer to keep it a secret.) Anyway, I am not too completely sure if this is even what it is to but I really need help. I'm not sure if you guys believe in hocd or not but I am aware that I have that or something like it. It is pretty much completely horrible and started about almost a year ago. It randomly struck me as a kid for very very short times. I was able to swipe it off because I had no reason for it to be there. I wasn't exactly the chick magnet in high school by any means and to be honest I wasn't a very big chaser of women due to a slight video game and porn addiction I he going on. But I always always wanted to find a girl but my personality is always funny and myself and I know it will work out for me one day. Anyways now I'm in the military and stationed real far away and it is horrible. I wanted to go to behavioral health but I really don't need a mental health discharge as its something I can deal with. I am being deployed to Afghanistan very soon though and I really need my head cleared. Ican feel the false attraction and I can honestly tell myself that I really feel nothing whenever I do see an attractive male. I fall into depression every once and a while but come back out within a couple of days. Worse thig is I just want my real attraction for females I've always had and loved. That and I can't stop thinking about it. Telling myself I'm a homosexual and then proving myself wrong. I know that I am not and I honestly will stick to that because I have no wan nor desire to be gay.Any tips? Anyone who could talk would be very appreciated.

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